Retire! Dance! Die! But First, Pass the Chocolate. Boomers According to Google. | HumorOutcasts

Retire! Dance! Die! But First, Pass the Chocolate. Boomers According to Google.

January 8, 2018
By

Born in 1954, I identify as a Baby Boomer. But what does that mean, really? Who exactly are we Boomers? And how does the world see us? I decided to perform a quick Google Search and find out.

I typed in the phrase “Boomers Are…”

Here’s what I got:

 

 

The most selfish generation ever.
Retiring.
Reluctant to retire.
Flocking to cities.
Evil.
Doomed.
Broke.

Sensing that I didn’t yet have the complete picture, I decided to fine tune my results by Google-searching a few more Boomer-related questions and statements:

Boomers Need to…

Live to 100.
Get over yesterday.
Consider downsizing.
Consider the shingles vaccine
Get tested for Hepatitis C
Retire.
Die.

Why Do Boomers…

Plan to work longer?
Wear Blue Jeans?
Hate Millennials?
Have Hepatitis C?
Love baseball?

Baby Boomers…

Want to be young
Want to look younger
Suck.

All Baby Boomers…

Should be tested for Hepatitis C
Suck.

Boomers rarely…

Stop nurturing their children.

Baby Boomers enjoy…

Hair products.
Chocolate.
The ride

Baby Boomers can…

Be ignored.
Get pregnant.
Dance.
Afford to retire.

Baby Boomers remain…

In the workforce
Skeptical of the establishment
Relevant.

Baby Boomers never…

Say never.
Retire.
Grow up.
Had it so good

So who are we? We can dance! We can retire! (Unless we’re broke.) We can move to the city and downsize! We never grew up but we nurture our kids. We’re not young, but we want to look young. And we really should get vaccinated for Hep C.

Is any of this accurate? Who knows? If you want to discuss it, you can find me at the ball park. I’ll be the youthful-looking semi-retired 63-year-old offering the Millennial sitting next to me a chocolate chip cookie and telling him to get over himself.

(Roz Warren  is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: Library Humor  and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library , both of which you should buy immediately.)

 

Roz Warren

Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from The New York Times to The Funny Times, is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: Library Humor and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library: An Insider's Tales of Library Life, both of which you should buy immediately.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

Share this Post:

Tags: , , , ,

3 Responses to Retire! Dance! Die! But First, Pass the Chocolate. Boomers According to Google.

  1. Bill Spencer
    January 9, 2018 at 7:09 am

    Boomers are searching
    —for answers.
    —to fill in the blanks.
    —for laughs.

  2. January 9, 2018 at 12:46 am

    Well, they had me at chocolate.

  3. January 8, 2018 at 10:12 pm

    Ha! “Want to be young; Want to look younger; Can’t get over yesterday; Need Hair Products; Never Grow Up.” How ridiculous! Who can relate to that?

    “Suck.” Yeah, that’s more like it.



User Login

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle


New Release
The Astounding Misadventures of Rory Collins
By Brian Kiley and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle



New Release
Rats, Mice, And Other Things You Can't Take to The Bank: An Inspirational Collection of Essays from Humorous to Simply Human
By Leslie Handler. and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle






Archives