Nigerian Entree
SUYA
INGREDIENTS
1¼ pounds steak or chicken breasts
3 garlic cloves
1 inch ginger root
3 tablespoons roasted peanuts
8 Uda pods*
1 bouillon cube (It should be the same flavor as the meat used. MaggiTM is, by far, the most popular brand in Africa.)
1 tablespoon cayenne
2 teaspoons paprika
no-stick spray
1½ tablespoons peanut oil or vegetable oil
1 onion
1 tomato
* = These pods impart a distinctive, authentic taste. They are also known as Selim peppers and Senegal peppers. They are also hard to find, especially offline. Substitute with Szechuan peppercorns. If neither are available, add ¼ teaspoon pepper. If guests notice you didn’t use Uda pods, zap them with your sonic obliterator. You don’t need that kind of negativity.
SPECIAL UTENSILS
food processor or spice grinder
kitchen mallet, mortar and pestle, or even squeaky clean long-nose pliers!
4 metallic skewers (If you use wooden ones, soak them in water 30 minutes before grilling.)
indoor grill
Makes 4 skewers. Takes 2 hours 45 minutes.
PREPARATION
Cut steak into 1″ cubes. Mince garlic cloves and ginger root. Grind roasted peanuts into paste with food processor. Smash open Uda pods and remove seeds. Add Uda pods to bowl and crush with kitchen mallet. Crumble bouillon cube. Add garlic, ginger, peanut paste, Uda, bouillon bits, cayenne, and paprika to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork. Add steak cubes to bowl. Mix with hands until cubes are well coated. Cover and marinate in refrigerator for 2 hours. (Soak skewers for 30 minutes if using wooden ones.) While beef marinates, cut onion and tomato into thin slices.
Thread coated steak cubes to skewers. Brush cubes with peanut oil. Spray grill with no-stick spray. Add skewers to griddle. Cook at medium heat or 300 degrees for 5 minutes or beef cubes are done and golden brown. Garnish with onion and tomato slices.
TIDBITS
1) In 356 BC*, or BCE**, Alexander the Little was born.
2) He was called The Little as he was little at birth.
3) I too was little at birth, as were billions of people.
4) * = It’s really quite extraordinary to think how people nearly 2,400 years ago knew that Christ would be born 356 years later.
5) ** = Or even 356 years before the Common Era. How could they possibly know that era would occur? Or even if they did, how could they ever have guessed it would have been called the Common Era? What if instead, they could have foreseen that the first pita bread would have been baked at Year One? In that case, 356 BCE would be 356 BBFPB (Before Baking First Pita Bread.)
6) Anyway, Alexander the Little ascended to the Macedonian crown in 336 BBFPB.
7) His enemies still called him the Little. After Alexander executed these people, these taunts stopped. Alex let everyone know, that they were to refer to him as Alexander the Man.
8) Alexander, a 20-year-old King, naturally wanted to conquer someone. But which countries? Was the time right for conquest?
9) Of course, the thing that all men of Ancient Greece did when wanting to know the future was to consult the Oracle of Delphi.
10) But that oracle was booked. Apparently, there was a convention of stock brokers in nearby Athens and they all wanted to predict stock prices.
11) So, The Man headed to the oracle at Suya, in what is now Nigeria.
12) Little Alex–Oops, he doesn’t want to be called that anymore–made his way across the great Sahara Dessert.
13) Alexander had a “Serving 56″ ticket and the seers of the oracle were only on 23. So, he looked out the waiting room’s door. He saw to his astonishment Suyan soldiers march by, carrying 16″ spears. The spears held impaled bits of steak and chicken breasts for sustenance on long marches.
14) 16-foot spears could easily overmatch the daggers and hurling tomatoes favored by the Macedonians and all other Mediterranean empires.
15) Anyway, the Suyan Oracle told him to conquer the Persian Empire.
16) Alexander did so with his entree-laden spears. His called this entree “Suya” in honor of the oracle that foresaw his rise to greatness.
17) And oh, this conquest also earned him the right to call himself Alexander the Great.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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