A Series of Unfortunate First Dates
I know that almost everyone has had a number of bad dating experiences, but mine were so bad that I almost never made it to a second date. And how many of you can truthfully […]
Author: Bill Spencer
Bill Spencer is author of the book Uranus Is Always Funny: Short Essays to Make You Laugh (Humor Outcasts Press 2020). His humor writing has been published by Funny Times, Narrative magazine, Reader's Digest, The Sun, The Inconsequential, Clever magazine, Defenestration, The Short Humour Site, Hobo Pancakes, and Nuthouse. He has also published scholarly articles on the novels of Cormac McCarthy and is co-author of an unproduced screenplay, "Angel Pays a Visit." He lives in a cabin in the mountains of North Carolina with his wife, artist-poet Carolyn Elkins.
Intra-Couple Intercourse
Recently, my wife, Carolyn, returned from a store trip, and I followed her upstairs to surprise her with the news I’d folded all the laundry in her absence, but before I opened my mouth, she […]
Gardening–The Naked Truth
My obituary will probably say, “He enjoyed gardening.” This will be a lie. “He enjoyed gardening” conjures a romantic image of me as smilingly strolling through tall waves of colorful, sweetly fragrant flowers, leisurely cutting […]
My Body Is a War Zone
Doctors and health gurus tell you to listen to your body, and that sounds reasonable until you put it into actual practice.The problem is that different parts of my body don’t all agree; in fact, […]
Never Marry an Artist
Do you like having at least a speck of uncovered top space in your house? Then don’t say “I do” standing next to an artist. My wife, Carolyn, has her own entire studio under our […]
Unemployment Note
Artwork by Lauren Faulkenberry. Idea/text by Bill Spencer. Bill Spencer is author of Uranus Is Always Funny: Short Essays to Make You Laugh. Lauren Faulkenberry is a novelist and illustrator living in western North Carolina. […]
The Acci-Dental Checkup
On a recent appointment for a teeth cleaning, I was conned by the old bait and switch: I got a substitute plaque hacker and had not been alerted to the change. You might say I […]
Truth in Advertising
Artwork by Lauren Faulkenberry. Idea/text by Bill Spencer. Bill Spencer is author of Uranus Is Always Funny: Short Essays to Make You Laugh Lauren Faulkenberry is a novelist and illustrator living in western North Carolina. Originally […]
Afternoon Delight
My mother felt such a stigma attached to napping that she never took a nap in her life. She would, however, announce, with a paperback in her hand, “I’m going to go read my book,” […]