Dear Humor Outcasts, I Need Help
Author: Bill Spencer
Bill Spencer is author of the book Uranus Is Always Funny: Short Essays to Make You Laugh (Humor Outcasts Press 2020). His humor writing has been published by Funny Times, Narrative magazine, Reader's Digest, The Sun, The Inconsequential, Clever magazine, Defenestration, The Short Humour Site, Hobo Pancakes, and Nuthouse. He has also published scholarly articles on the novels of Cormac McCarthy and is co-author of an unproduced screenplay, "Angel Pays a Visit." He lives in a cabin in the mountains of North Carolina with his wife, artist-poet Carolyn Elkins.
Wait! Wait! It’s Not As Bad As It Sounds
I recently heard of a church that I wasn’t aware of before and found its religious principles intriguing. As stated on its official website, its mission “is to encourage benevolence and empathy among all people, […]
Youngsters at the Elder Hotel
Scientists may question whether time travel is possible, but I know for a fact it is because of the vacations my family took in the 1960s and 70s to the Elder Hotel when I and […]
Buying a Car Drove Me to Crazytown (with alternate endings)
Last summer when I began in earnest to shop for a car, I didn’t know what I was in for. I hadn’t bought a car since 1999, in a previous century—in fact, in a previous […]
Goblin to the Core
My wife, Carolyn, recently announced to me that the style of our house decor is “goblincore.” I was stupefied. I love my house and had never thought of it as even remotely creepy or goblinish. […]
Go Ahead: Discount My Wife
My wife has this bizarre power over money that I can’t think of a rational explanation for. Though she has never earned all that much money through her salaries, she has always been able to […]
A Series of Unfortunate First Dates
I know that almost everyone has had a number of bad dating experiences, but mine were so bad that I almost never made it to a second date. And how many of you can truthfully […]
Intra-Couple Intercourse
Recently, my wife, Carolyn, returned from a store trip, and I followed her upstairs to surprise her with the news I’d folded all the laundry in her absence, but before I opened my mouth, she […]
Gardening–The Naked Truth
My obituary will probably say, “He enjoyed gardening.” This will be a lie. “He enjoyed gardening” conjures a romantic image of me as smilingly strolling through tall waves of colorful, sweetly fragrant flowers, leisurely cutting […]