Very Local Honey
I don’t think my house is allergic to bees, but it did break out in a hive once. There was a small opening through the masonry of our house’s east wall, and one spring before […]
Author: Bill Spencer
Bill Spencer is author of the book Uranus Is Always Funny: Short Essays to Make You Laugh (Humor Outcasts Press 2020). His humor writing has been published by Funny Times, Narrative magazine, Reader's Digest, The Sun, The Inconsequential, Clever magazine, Defenestration, The Short Humour Site, Hobo Pancakes, and Nuthouse. He has also published scholarly articles on the novels of Cormac McCarthy and is co-author of an unproduced screenplay, "Angel Pays a Visit." He lives in a cabin in the mountains of North Carolina with his wife, artist-poet Carolyn Elkins.
Hallmark Love
There’s no more euphoric, all-consuming, thrilling, scary, lunacy-like feeling than falling in love. But my wife of 29 years frowns upon my falling in love with anyone I might come into proximity to in actual […]
Socks on the Lam
In the last 40 years, I’ve never lost a single sock. Ever. Maybe losing socks is your Achilles heel, but don’t let anyone pull the wool over your eyes; it doesn’t have to be. Instead, […]
Best Viewed in Adobe
Artwork by Lauren Faulkenberry. Idea/text by Bill Spencer. Lauren Faulkenberry is a novelist and illustrator living in western North Carolina. Originally from South Carolina, she has worked as an archaeologist, an editor, and a ranger […]
Stock Photo
Artwork by Lauren Faulkenberry. Idea/text by Bill Spencer. Lauren Faulkenberry is a novelist and illustrator living in western North Carolina. Originally from South Carolina, she has worked as an archaeologist, an editor, and a ranger […]
Best Friends & Wives
My wife is my best friend. Am I an idiot or what? I do realize how wonderfully romantic it might sound to say, “My wife/husband/partner is also my best friend,” but really it’s a very […]
Breathing the Doctrine Air
(Note: This essay may present some peril to your immortal soul. Before reading it, please take the precautions of wrapping a rosary around your hand, dipping your fingers in holy water, and crossing yourself at […]
Scared Speechless
(My contribution for Humor Meets Horror Month) “Sorry, Venkman, I’m terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.” —Egon in Ghostbusters Once in my life, and once only, I was scared speechless—literally speechless. I […]
Dangling in Midair
I watched as two men tied my wife with thick rope, and I watched as she dangled about 40 feet above the ground. Upside down. In public. As others watched. I’m not sure even the […]
Saladmaster Disaster
When Renae, a graduate student that both my wife and I had taught, repeatedly begged us to attend a fried-chicken-dinner Saladmaster sales pitch at her apartment, we finally relented. We’d get a free meal with […]