Author: Kevin Woolery

I went to Costco to buy a body bag, but they only sold them in packs of six, so now I have my work cut out for me.

Spinning around really fast until you fall down when you’re a kid is a gateway drug.      

When my parents got divorced they told me it wasn’t my fault, but I really think the sex tape I took of my dad had something to do with it.

Don’t worry guys, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is still legal when it comes to herpes.

I’m suing Netflix for changing its name to Qwikster. That’s what all the girls in college used to call me.

If you went to a community college, my first question to you is when is my latte going to be ready?

The producers of Ghostbusters 3 would save a lot of money by casting members of the Tea Party, since they already have the white sheets.