Me: What’s the most recent picture you have of me? My mom: *pulls out an ultrasound pic* Me: That’s it? Mom: You weren’t a pretty child. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 11, 2014 […]
I said on my résumé that I’m goal oriented. I left out that my goal is to do as little work as possible without getting fired. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 11, 2013 […]
Apple’s making an iWatch. Fashion experts say it makes quite a statement. Is that statement, “I never have sex”?