Kathy’s Points to Remember

Food

The calories in holiday food don’t count. The same principle applies to anything consumed in a movie theater, on a picnic or when nobody is looking. Those are the rules.

It’s a crime to eat only one cookie. The rest of the cookies will feel left out. The sensitivities of baked goods must be respected.

Whoever gets to the food first wins. This is scientific. If you are fit enough to dive into the buffet before anyone else gets there, you will be a desirable mate and your genes will be passed into the next generation. Of course, there will be some who will look upon you as a ravening barbarian, but they don’t count. You wouldn’t want to mate with any of them, anyway.

If you pass the following pop quiz, you may enter the Gourmand Hall of Fame:

1. You are presented with two menu choices: fettuccine Alfredo or a fresh, healthy green salad. Which do you choose:
a. I never eat anything I can’t pronounce.
b. What am I, a rabbit? Forget the salad.
c. Can I get fries with that?
d. I can’t have both?

2. My favorite comfort food is:
a. A bag of baby carrots.
b. Anything by Orville Redenbacher. (Baby carrots? Are you kidding?)
c. Anything by Ben & Jerry
d. Whatever is in the kitchen. I’m not particular.

3. When I see a trim, buff person, I …
a. Admire the person and want to be just like him/her.
b. Wonder how many silicone injections or steroids it took to get that look
c. Assume that the person is frigid or impotent
d. Hate the person and plan to kill him/her at the earliest opportunity

If you answered b, c or d to all three questions, you passed the test.