Bronx Woman Grabbed by Invisible Rope and Dragged into Store | HumorOutcasts

Bronx Woman Grabbed by Invisible Rope and Dragged into Store

June 19, 2011

New York City.  A woman who has asked to remain anonymous states that she was “grabbed by an invisible lasso and pulled inside” while passing the Odd OutLot store on Broadway in The Bronx.

“I was walking along the sidewalk on Broadway, shopping bags in hand, minding my own business,” she explained.  “I got to the Odd OutLot Store and all of a sudden this invisible lasso grabbed me and pulled me through the door.  I couldn’t help myself.  I bought four embroidered tee shirts, a clutch purse, four Coca-Cola glasses and two five-pound bags of M&Ms.  It was horrible!”

When asked why she remained in the store, since she was obviously free from the lasso and able to walk around, she replied, “They have stuff in there, and it’s cheap.  Shopping in one of those places is like panning for gold.  You are going to find a lot of rocks, but if you keep at it you might find some nice, shiny ore.”

Friends of the woman claim that she has often complained to them about the invisible lasso, which seems to be a common phenomenon among what they term “fellow Odd OutLot junkies.”

Customers who witnessed the woman’s lasso abduction and minor shopping rampage stated that she appeared to be holding a one-sided conversation with someone called “Grandma,” who, apparently, was urging her not to buy a turquoise tee shirt with black embroidered roses.  The “conversation” became very loud, and it ended with the woman shouting, “Screw it!  I’m buying this!”  According to the witnesses, she then went on a shopping rampage through the store, shoving people out of the way, overturning baby carriages and walkers, grabbing items from other customers’ hands and knocking over aisle displays.

She then elbowed her way to the front of the checkout line, threatening severe bodily harm to anyone who tried to cut in front of her.  She paid for her merchandise and left the store “like a tornado,” according to the guard at the door, to whom she delivered a judo chop that sent him crashing against the wall, knocking down a shelf full of handbags.

She was heard to yell, “Shut up, Grandma!” as she headed for a nearby discount clothing store, where she attempted to buy some pants before being forcibly ejected by several angry women who had been eyeing the same garments.

The woman is now back home, resting, under heavy medication, being closely watched by family members, who have promised never again to let her out on the street alone.

Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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2 Responses to Bronx Woman Grabbed by Invisible Rope and Dragged into Store

  1. June 19, 2011 at 8:25 am

    So that’s where my wife was yesterday???

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      June 20, 2011 at 12:07 pm

      I’m not saying! 😉

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