The Top 5 Good Things About Getting Old

Nobody looks forward to getting old.  That would be like looking forward to your next root canal.  The aging process is not inherently fun.  It isn’t all walkers and hearing aids, though.  There are some pretty good things about it, including the following:

5. Senior Citizen Discounts

This is the best reason I can think of for admitting how old you are.  Some of these discounts aren’t anything to throw away your walker and dance about, but even $5 is something.  It will get you a latte at Starbucks.

Much better than that is being able to ride a New York City subway for half-fare.  Of course, in order to get that, you have to run a bureaucratic gauntlet then wait until they are good and ready to send you your brand spanking new picture ID transit card that lets everyone know just how old you look in the wrong kind of light.   Let’s look at it this way, though:  they have not yet asked us to leave our firstborn children as hostages.  That’s something.

4. You will be excused for having no fashion sense.

Remember when you were a teenager, zealously following all the latest fashion fopperies so that the popular kids wouldn’t think you were a geek?  Remember, then, your passage into adulthood, where “business dress” and “business casual” were the rule, along with regular trips to the hairstylist for a bob or pixie or to the barber for a neat, short haircut?  Well, those days are over.

You can pretty much do whatever you want with yourself now.  Even if you come up with the craziest look that has ever been put on a human body, nobody will blame you because you are “getting up there in years.”  You can color your hair blood red, wear a Mexican sombrero, a bright purple print dress that looks like a nightgown and black orthopedic shoes with knee-high stockings that are falling down and it will be okay.  If you are a man, you can wear your oldest pair of pants, belted around your chest, and a shirt in a clashing color, along with your favorite old straw hat with some of its strands missing.  The only rule you have to follow now is your own comfort.

3. The picture on your almost-expired passport or driver’s license will look good to you now.

Remember when you got that passport or driver’s license and you looked at the picture and said, “Yipes!  Do I look like that?”   Well, you will now be able to look at that old photo-booth shot and say, “I didn’t look too bad back then.”  The downside of this is that you will look at ALL your more recent photos and say, “Yipes!  Do I look like that?”

2. You’re still younger than all of your friends who are older than you are.

That is never going to change.  Enjoy it while your friends are still around to be reminded of it.

1. You have a built-in excuse for not doing things you don’t want to do, anyway.

“I’m an old lady.  I can’t do that.  Do you want to kill me?”  This works for everything from putting new shades on the windows to reaching for a jar of jam on a high shelf in the cupboard.  You might be perfectly aware that you are capable of performing the task, but it would be so much easier to get someone else to do it.    This is guaranteed to make people feel really guilty, even when they don’t fall for it.

On the other hand, if there is something you really want to do and people are concerned that it will be too much for you, you can reverse the above statement and say, “Who’s too old?  You’re only as old as you feel.  Are you trying to make me old before my time?”  Then go right ahead and take that ride on the Cyclone, and hope it won’t give you a heart attack.

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