10. What was I thinking? Nobody wants a president named Mitt.
9. I should’ve promised everyone who voted for me I’d buy them a pony.
8. In hindsight, that Win A Dream Date With Mitt contest was a bad idea.
7. I shouldn’t have picked a running mate with crazy, serial killer eyes.
6. I’ve got a great idea for a sitcom starring me, Jeremy and that Kerry Ladka dude.
5. Maybe it was a little too cocky to only have one speech prepared and all it said was “Get your ass outta my new house, bitch.”
4. On the bright side, a lot of people in poor countries will get to wear the “President Romney” hats and T-shirts.
3. “By creating 15 million new jobs. Duh.” probably wasn’t the best answer to “How are you going to create 15 million new jobs for America?”
2. I really should’ve left Big Bird out of it. Never, ever mess with Big Bird.
And the number one thing Mitt Romney was thinking last night after conceding:
1. Fuck it, I’m having a Coke.