What Would Don Corleone Buy?

I know. I did this before, here: What Would Heathcliff Buy? . Well, I’m bored again and my mind is wandering down strange roads. Here are the fruits of today’s mental meanderings.

Let us take a peek at yet another group of fictional characters and what might be on their shopping lists:

OUISER BOUDREAUX (from “Steel Magnolias,” in case you don’t know):
1. A supply of valium for her dog
2. A large bottle of Extra-Strength Excedrin to pass out to everyone she gives a headache to
3. A copy of “How to Be a Big Bitchy Rich Fish in a Tiny Pond” by R. Astor Amberson.

DON VITO CORLEONE:
1. Plastic surgery to correct prominent jowls
2. Private lessons in how to speak without slurring like Marlon Brando
3. For Fredo: lessons in how to handle a gun without fumbling
4. For Sonny: bulletproof car windows

HOLDEN CAULFIELD (“The Catcher in the Rye” — if you didn’t know this, shame on you):
1. A Fodor’s Guide to New York City
2. SAT for Dummies

HAMLET:
1. Several years’ worth of sessions with a really good psychiatrist
2. A lifetime supply of antidepressant medication
3. A good playwriting workshop
4. Fencing lessons