Kathy’s Points to Remember

Would you pay money for this, with no hand-painted periwinkles?
Would you pay money for this, with no hand-painted periwinkles?
Don’t buy Royal Doulton if all you can afford is that stuff in the Dollar Store. If you wait long enough, maybe one of your elderly relatives will leave you her good china. If she doesn’t leave it to you, it’s probably because she forgot you existed. This goes to show you that you should always remind your elderly female relatives that you are alive, even the annoying ones.

On the other hand, if you have money, spend it. You will be helping thousands of factory workers, shopkeepers, accountants and lawyers in their quest to make a living and send their kids to Ivy League schools.

Coffee in ten minutes, Elizabeth!
Coffee in ten minutes, Elizabeth!

If you are going to become a humor writer, first make sure you are actually funny. Writing humor that isn’t funny is kind of pointless, and it annoys people when they read something hoping to laugh and all they can do is roll their eyes. Rolling your eyes isn’t good because they could get stuck, which is potentially very embarrassing, especially if you have to explain to the doctor that they got that way because you were reading something that wasn’t funny.

If your air conditioner is going to fail, it will always be during one of the hottest days of the year.

That last point has nothing to do with any of the preceding ones. I just stuck it in because it happened to me last night and I’m still pissed off about it.

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6 thoughts on “Kathy’s Points to Remember”

  1. The Royal Doulton advice is priceless. My strategy has always been to hide from my elderly relatives and just wait until the good china was left to me. It never occurred to me that the relatives actually need to know I exist before they could give me some sugar. I think it’s time to totally change tack. Thanks Kathy, you’ve only gone and saved the day again.

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