Once Again, It’s Back To Second Place

As an insecure person, it’s very important for me to feel like I’m part of a winning team. I subscribe wholeheartedly to the notions that We’re Number One and that America Is The Greatest Nation On Earth. But I keep getting stymied in my hunt for supporting evidence. I consider healthcare, but then realize that Canada and England cover far more people at far less cost. I look at the military, but realize that our record in the last four wars is one win, two ties, and one loss.

My ancestors didn’t flee a potato famine to re-settle in a nation that bats .250.

So I was jazzed when the Weiner/Filner controversies exploded. No other Western industrialized nation, I realized, can touch America when it comes to politicians sexually harassing the ladies. Our powerful men leave theirs whimpering in the dust like defeated little boys.

Well, that bubble just burst. The news recently reported that an Australian member of Parliament sent a picture of his thing to a woman. Well, you say, big deal. That’s all the rage these days among the political class. It’s just networking.

Fine, but this guy’s donger was resting in a glass of wine.

Back in line we go. I’ll bet the Australian guy will even capitalize on his saga. He’ll probably put the picture on a wine label, slap it on a bottle, and call it Chateau Axl Rosé.

C’mon guys. Put it in a narrow champagne glass full of Kool-Aid and call it a “skin flute”. Staple it to you stomach. I don’t care what ya do. Just get more creative than the competition and get us back on top, where we belong!