PAM Is Not Just for Cooking Anymore | HumorOutcasts

PAM Is Not Just for Cooking Anymore

September 27, 2013
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PAmFlorida: home of Disney, crocodiles and apparently some really, really stupid people. A Florida woman was arrested and charged with domestic battery after hurling PAM cooking spray and bottles of Olive Oil and other kitchen items at her boyfriend.  Sounds like a benign lovers spat?  Well, just wait.

The lovely couple was preparing to have sex, so of course, the woman said to her beloved,

“Honey, go get the PAM cooking spray and olive oil.”  (The lubricants of champions)

I did not want to judge them yet, so I thought maybe the aroma of baked and fried food helped to get them in the mood.  That seemed plausible and sweet in an icky sort of way. But the story gets better.

The man, who is not a nominee for a Nobel Prize in any category,  thought she said,  “Bring PAM” which happened to be the name of his ex-girlfriend.  Upon hearing his present girlfriend’s request for PAM, the man broke down and confessed that he had already just had sex with PAM–the ex-girlfriend,  and he was sorry for his transgression and begged for her forgiveness.

His present girlfriend  was not in a forgiving mood.  Instead of understanding  his wandering ways or rather his inconsideration in not inviting her to his love-in with PAM the ex, she went into the kitchen and got a can of PAM, a bottle  olive oil and other baking items and began to pelt him with them. This  caused an uproar which could be heard throughout the entire trailer park which resulted in the police being summoned.

After it was all sorted out, the woman was arrested for domestic battery, the man had to face the fact that he was as dumb as dirt, and the police had a good laugh writing up the arrest report.  What can we learn from our fine Florida friends?

1.Spend a little extra and buy K-Y Jelly – it’s safer and comes in flavors too.

2. Olive Oil might be good for your heart, but it packs a mean punch when the bottle hits your face

And lastly,

3. If you are going to sleep with an ex-girlfriend make sure she doesn’t share the same name as your lubricant of choice (Popeye, are you listening?)

 

Donna Cavanagh

Donna Cavanagh is founder of HumorOutcasts.com (HO) and the partner publishing company, HumorOutcasts Press which now includes the labels Shorehouse Books and Corner Office Books (HOPress-Shorehousebooks.com). As "den mother" to the more than 100 aspiring and accomplished writers, producers, comics and authors, Cavanagh's goal is to allow creativity to flow. She is a former journalist who made an unscheduled stop into humor more than 20 years ago. Her syndicated columns helped her gain a national audience when her work landed in the pages of First Magazine and USA Today. She teaches the how-to lessons of humor and publishing at conferences and workshops throughout the country including The Philadelphia Writers' Conference and Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. The author of four humor books, Cavanagh hopes her latest book, How to Write and Share Humor: Techniques to Tickle Funny Bones and Win Fans, will encourage writers not only to embrace their humor talents but show them off as well.

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18 Responses to PAM Is Not Just for Cooking Anymore

  1. October 1, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    Just imagine, these folks are eligible to vote.

  2. Robynne Graffam
    September 27, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    I’ve often thought that aerosol fumes would kill your brain, but now I’m really sure. Guess she should be glad she broke up with that guy named Vaseline, though.

    • September 27, 2013 at 8:48 pm

      HA HA Yes, Vaseline was not the guy for her!

  3. Kathy Minicozzi
    September 27, 2013 at 3:01 pm

    I’m still laughing!

    BTW, my personal favorite in the “dumb” simile category is “dumb as a sack of hair.”

    In the metaphor category, we have “the lights are on but nobody’s home.”

    (I think I have the subject of one of my next posts!)

    • September 27, 2013 at 8:49 pm

      Good simile and in metaphor I like not the sharpest tool in the shed. So many euphemisms for dumb!

  4. September 27, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    Too fun (this post, I mean). Picture the cops fighting over who gets to do the paperwork.

    • September 27, 2013 at 8:51 pm

      When I was a reporter and the police had to do the reports on weird things like this, they would purposely put in details just for more fun. We would gather the police reports and print them word for word and some people (perpetrators and those arrested) were never thrilled!

  5. Bill Y Ledden
    September 27, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    Talk about bad luck? Whats the chances of Pam being his ex and a cooking spray? This is beyond tragic. When he first met Pam, he probably thought he found a girlfriend who cooks. Looks like he’ll be using palm for the next while to take care of himself!

    • September 27, 2013 at 2:23 pm

      Ah Bill Y! Was this you in the story? 🙂

      • Bill Y Ledden
        September 27, 2013 at 2:30 pm

        It wasn’t me Don Don’s and I wouldn’t do something like that. I wouldn’t be so stupid as to get caught, that is! 🙂

  6. Deb Martin-Webster
    September 27, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    Too funny Donna!! I love the ending note to Popeye!!

    • September 27, 2013 at 1:06 pm

      well, someone had to warn him about Olyve Oyl!

  7. September 27, 2013 at 11:07 am

    They have some slick people in Florida, but it’s only because of the lubricants they use!

    • September 27, 2013 at 1:06 pm

      And now we know their secrets Mike!

  8. September 27, 2013 at 10:43 am

    I heard right after this, she started dating Popeye and asked him to bring in the olive oil.

    • September 27, 2013 at 1:07 pm

      and thus the warning at the end! You can’t be too careful!

  9. Theresa Wiza
    September 27, 2013 at 8:58 am

    That was hilarious!

    • September 27, 2013 at 9:09 am

      And sadly, it is all true. I worry about the world Theresa! 🙂



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