Florida: home of Disney, crocodiles and apparently some really, really stupid people. A Florida woman was arrested and charged with domestic battery after hurling PAM cooking spray and bottles of Olive Oil and other kitchen items at her boyfriend. Sounds like a benign lovers spat? Well, just wait.
The lovely couple was preparing to have sex, so of course, the woman said to her beloved,
“Honey, go get the PAM cooking spray and olive oil.” (The lubricants of champions)
I did not want to judge them yet, so I thought maybe the aroma of baked and fried food helped to get them in the mood. That seemed plausible and sweet in an icky sort of way. But the story gets better.
The man, who is not a nominee for a Nobel Prize in any category, thought she said, “Bring PAM” which happened to be the name of his ex-girlfriend. Upon hearing his present girlfriend’s request for PAM, the man broke down and confessed that he had already just had sex with PAM–the ex-girlfriend, and he was sorry for his transgression and begged for her forgiveness.
His present girlfriend was not in a forgiving mood. Instead of understanding his wandering ways or rather his inconsideration in not inviting her to his love-in with PAM the ex, she went into the kitchen and got a can of PAM, a bottle olive oil and other baking items and began to pelt him with them. This caused an uproar which could be heard throughout the entire trailer park which resulted in the police being summoned.
After it was all sorted out, the woman was arrested for domestic battery, the man had to face the fact that he was as dumb as dirt, and the police had a good laugh writing up the arrest report. What can we learn from our fine Florida friends?
1.Spend a little extra and buy K-Y Jelly – it’s safer and comes in flavors too.
2. Olive Oil might be good for your heart, but it packs a mean punch when the bottle hits your face
And lastly,
3. If you are going to sleep with an ex-girlfriend make sure she doesn’t share the same name as your lubricant of choice (Popeye, are you listening?)
Just imagine, these folks are eligible to vote.
I’ve often thought that aerosol fumes would kill your brain, but now I’m really sure. Guess she should be glad she broke up with that guy named Vaseline, though.
HA HA Yes, Vaseline was not the guy for her!
I’m still laughing!
BTW, my personal favorite in the “dumb” simile category is “dumb as a sack of hair.”
In the metaphor category, we have “the lights are on but nobody’s home.”
(I think I have the subject of one of my next posts!)
Good simile and in metaphor I like not the sharpest tool in the shed. So many euphemisms for dumb!
Too fun (this post, I mean). Picture the cops fighting over who gets to do the paperwork.
When I was a reporter and the police had to do the reports on weird things like this, they would purposely put in details just for more fun. We would gather the police reports and print them word for word and some people (perpetrators and those arrested) were never thrilled!
Talk about bad luck? Whats the chances of Pam being his ex and a cooking spray? This is beyond tragic. When he first met Pam, he probably thought he found a girlfriend who cooks. Looks like he’ll be using palm for the next while to take care of himself!
Ah Bill Y! Was this you in the story? 🙂
It wasn’t me Don Don’s and I wouldn’t do something like that. I wouldn’t be so stupid as to get caught, that is! 🙂
Too funny Donna!! I love the ending note to Popeye!!
well, someone had to warn him about Olyve Oyl!
They have some slick people in Florida, but it’s only because of the lubricants they use!
And now we know their secrets Mike!
I heard right after this, she started dating Popeye and asked him to bring in the olive oil.
and thus the warning at the end! You can’t be too careful!
That was hilarious!
And sadly, it is all true. I worry about the world Theresa! 🙂