Wife: A guy at work dropped acid
Me: Did he listen to techno & babble about colors?
W: No, he was treated for burns
Chemists are so lame.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2013
Me: You don’t know what you’re missing
Wife: 30 seconds of clumsy thrusting, then an apology & a nap?
She knows exactly what she’s missing
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2013
Obi-Wan: If you strike me down I’ll be more powerful than you can imagine
Vader:*kills him*
O:*spends 2 movies as a helpless, naggy ghost*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2013
Me: Watch out. I have an erection and I know how to use it.
Wife: Really?
Me: I don’t know, maybe.
*uses erection to do taxes*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2013
Sorry I called you a dirty ho-bag. I thought you already knew you were one. It was rude of me to break the news to you like that.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2013