I envy kids in highchairs. I want to eat something so intensely I have to be strapped in.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2013
Police shouldn’t use dogs. There are other trainable, ferocious animals with a great sense of smell. No one would fuck with a police bear.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2013
So what if you have a hole in your life? So do donuts, and they’re delicious. Also, they don’t cry all the time. Man I’m hungry. Good talk.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2013
Thanks for posting your running route on Facebook. Now I know the best place to hit you with my car.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2013
My wife never says anything sexual, so I can only do “that’s what she said” jokes if someone says, “You’re lazy & won’t amount to anything.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2013