I saw a sign on Pinterest that read “There are two types of people: 1) Morning people and 2) Those who shoot morning people.” As funny as this might be, I think there needs to be a study on what makes Morning and Not Morning People tick because the more we understand about these two groups, the better life on Earth will be. So, to accelerate the discussion, I would like to offer my observations of the differences between Morning Persons and Not-Morning Persons.
A Morning Person will go outside at sunrise to hear the birds chirp their happy little songs.
A Not-morning Person will also go outside at sunrise with a truckload of cats and a scary smile on his face.
A Morning Person can’t wait to start their work to have NERF guns outlawed as they view them as weapons of mass destruction that have no place in a world of harmony and love.
A Not-Morning Person is against gun control at least until noon and in fact, is not averse to shooting a firearm into the air or at their spouse just to prove their point that guns are good. (Many Not-Morning Persons do switch their stance on gun control after a few cups of caffeine. But they still want to do away with Morning Persons no matter what time of day.)
A Morning Person, wearing only fair trade apparel, will head to Whole Foods to sip organic tea and discuss the latest tweets about peace from the Dalai Lama.
A Not-Morning Person will want to feed their family members, who chew too loudly or talk above a whisper at breakfast, pesticide-laden food in hopes that they will fall into a stupor and forget how to communicate.
A Morning Person is never in any hurry on the road. And they like to take advantage of their legal choice NOT to turn right at red lights because life is too wonderful to race through it. And they usually choose to leave no less than 10 car lengths between themselves and the car in front of them just so they can maintain their own personal space on the road and de-stress during a tough commute.
A Not-morning person believes the death penalty—and not a merciful death penalty—should be applied to people who refuse to turn right at red lights and can’t sit on someone else’s bumper.
A Morning Person chatters away with tales of their personal life which always include the daily tally of what their great kids did the day before. Morning Person kids are always honor students, Eagle scouts, non-bullies and leaders amongst their friends.
Not-Morning Persons are just gearing up to face the day when the Morning Persons fizzle out and no amount of Red Bull can prevent these tables from turning. By 2 PM, the Not-Morning Persons are at full strength and have no problem telling the Morning Persons to shut the hell up about their stupid kids who are just as inept as their stupid Morning Person Parents.
A Morning Person is always ready for sex
A Not-Morning Person who is a male is also always ready for sex. He will pretend not be as happy.
Now that we have some understanding about how the mind works for Morning Persons and Not-Morning Persons, I think we can work to achieve a sense of balance that will make the world a better place…or we can just get two worlds. How is that Mars colony coming along?