Me: Work was AWFUL. Wife: All the kids pooped through their clothes at the same time. I put them in the tub & cried Me:*goes back to work*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2014
How dare you say my life is one big disaster? It’s actually a series of small disasters that kind of blur together at the edges.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2014
4-year-old: *runs over my foot with her Power Wheels jeep* Me: Ow! That hurt. 4: No it didn’t. I feel fine. She gets her empathy from me.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2014
“You’re not funny and no one likes you.”—where I stopped reading the belated birthday card from my mom
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2014
In case you wondered where I’ve set the bar for parenting, I told my kids that watching me play Xbox counts as their bedtime story.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 26, 2014
