A bikini model whose job is to be 99% naked had nude pics leaked? Whatever. I didn’t know for sure she had nipples, but I kind of assumed.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 1, 2014
Bomb squad guy: You think you can defuse a bomb? Me: I undid my kid’s French braid Him: Me: It had 3 bobby pins Him: When can you start?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 2, 2014
Me: It’s a holiday. Please, please let me sleep past 5 a.m. 2-year-old:*wakes me up at 5:01 a.m.* That extra minute of sleep was glorious.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 1, 2014
My 2-year-old daughter told me she wants to watch “Sleeping Booty.” It’s a real movie, but it’s definitely not made by Disney.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 1, 2014
My 2-year-old cried because she hurt her hand clapping too hard. Wake me up when the rewarding part of parenting is supposed to start.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 1, 2014
First one – Bwahahaha!