Reading magazines this week, I learned that:
Every 34 seconds, someone in the U.S. has a heart attack.
(AARP Magazine 3/16)
Mike Love is considered one of the biggest assholes in the history of rock & roll.
(Rolling Stone, 2/26/16)
At least half a dozen people have tried to kill Michael Moore.
(Rolling Stone, 2/26/16)
Kirk Douglas and his pals have a betting game in which they try to guess the average age of death in the Sunday New York Times obituary column each week.
(AARP Magazine 3/16)
Apes never sleep in the same place two nights in a row.
(Real Simple, 1/16)
Last December, Lady Gaga’s record label gave her a horse.
(Rolling Stone, 2/25/16)
Phil Collins used to own Davie Crockett’s musket.
(Entertainment Weekly, 2/26/16)
Sumner Redstone, 92, attributes his longevity, in part, to eating blueberries every day.
(The New Yorker, 2/22/16)
Women cry two to five times a month. Men cry once every two months.
(Time, 3/7/16)
The most popular time for crying is from 7:00 to 10:00 in the evening.
(Time, 3/7/16)
A lock of John Lennon’s hair is worth $35,000.
(Time, 3/7/16)
Women who keep processed cereal on their countertops weigh 21 pounds more than women who keep it stored out of sight.
(Prevention, 1/16)
The fear of being without your phone is called Nomophobia.
(Prevention, 1/16)
Washing dishes can reduce your level of stress and anger by 27% if you do it mindfully, focusing on the scent of the soap, the warmth of the water and how the dishes feel.
(Prevention, 1/16)
Married people survive heart attacks more often than single people.
(Time, 3/7/16)
A 33-year old British man recently changed his name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger.
(Time, 3/7/16)
Roz Warren www.rosalindwarren.com is the author of OUR BODIES, OUR SHELVES: A COLLECTION OF LIBRARY HUMOR http://ow.ly/LpFgE.)
Apes never sleep in the same place two nights in a row? Wow, apes is MY man!
I keep my cereal on the refrigerator. Still not helping! And Mike Love flirted with me during an outdoor concert in the 90s. So glad I didn’t flirt back, so thank you for that! 😉
Any time.
I really dislike Michael Moore, but I never considered killing him. After all, I heard he was having a heart attack every 34 seconds, anyway. But if I was going to kill him, I’d get in touch with Phil Collins.
Phil Collins owned Old Betsy?
HEL-LO, Bacon Double Cheeseburger! I’m glad to meetcha!
Dang, Bill. You beat me to it while I was trying to be a productive member of society.
Clowning around on Humor Outcasts is WAY more important than being a productive member of society. Get your priorities sorted out, Paul De Lancey.