SPARKS BRIEF: No Experience Required | HumorOutcasts

SPARKS BRIEF: No Experience Required

November 5, 2016


We live in a country of opportunities. Every citizen is told with perseverance and drive; they can achieve their goals. No matter what your background you can dream of attaining the highest position in the land.

During the 2016 presidential campaign, we’ve learned that any Tom, Dick or Donald can make a run for the White House. No matter if you’ve had a humble beginning living in a one room cabin, or if you threw Tic Tacs at your nanny while sitting in a gold encrusted high chair, you can throw your spiffy, redneck baseball cap into the political ring.

Experience and knowledge are no longer a prerequisite for the job. Anyone can descend a golden escalator with their trophy spouse and declare their candidacy. You’ll also need some cash to back your campaign, but that is easy to do. Write a cheerful letter to the Koch brothers, Sheldon Adelson, or save money by not paying your income tax.

It does appear that a modicum of knowledge is preferable when the heat of the campaign kicks in. Being able to answer a simple question about our democracy or to debate with rational thought can be important.

That’s why I.B. Publishing has just released The U.S. Presidency for Dummies – available at Barnes & Noble and on Amazon. This reference manual takes the complex issues of global and domestic politics and dumbs it way down.

It’s Democracy 101 for the less than intelligent. This book is a hands-on, hit the campaign trail resource guide. The book is filled with helpful charts, graphs, maps, cheat sheets and a CD-ROM that will provide you with a complete list of world leaders so you can pick a favorite.

You’ll have important political facts and some helpful tips on how to sound presidential. Key phrases like “bigly,” “I’ve been hearing,” “people are saying,” and “I have the best temperament to be president ever,” will help you wow the media.

This book will also dispel any misinformation that might be clouding a less than seasoned political brain. These are just highlights of facts you’ll learn:

  1. Diana Ross was never part of the Supreme Court.
  2. LGBTQ is not a sandwich on Denny’s menu.
  3. The Nuclear Triad is not the third Terminator movie.
  4. Aleppo is not a new dog food.
  5. The National Inquirer is not an intelligence briefing document.

The U.S. Presidency for Dummies is loaded with information, and it is broken into easy to absorb sections for ADD candidates. You’ll be able to flip through the guide while you send out important tweets at 3 AM.

You don’t need public service experience or a previous political position, you just need a “huge” ego, tiny baby hands and addle-brained followers. This comprehensive guide can help you make it through the primaries and be within groping distance of the White House.

If you’ve thought about sitting behind the desk at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, pickup your copy today. You’ll have all the knowledge, you can remember, to make your 2020 bid for the White House.

We already have a dummy running in this year’s race.


Vince G. Sparks

Vince G. Sparks, freelance writer, and avid reader is a genetically creative person with a talent for expressing the written word. Vince has a background in communications, public relations, and journalism. Also, he spent many years in human resources navigating corporate America. He masterminds the blog Sparks Ignites, where he shares his “slice of life” stories and social commentary with insight, humor, and extra-dry wit. He’s been published in the Elephant Journal online magazine, with two articles selected as Editor’s Picks. He is a member of South Jersey Writers Group Board of Trustees. For more and to stay connected visit him on social media and his website

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2 Responses to SPARKS BRIEF: No Experience Required

  1. Roger Freed
    November 6, 2016 at 7:37 am

    Written by George W. Bush, right?

  2. Gary
    November 5, 2016 at 12:53 pm

    I love this article. Your commentary on politics and social issues keeps getting better.

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