There are three aspects of money I hate. I hate chasing people down to get paid; I hate chasing people down to pay them; and I hate negotiating purchases.
I made a recent trip to a mall to pick up some shoes. After I left that store, I headed to the exit. As I got close to the doors, my Fitbit notified me that I needed 80 steps to complete my hour’s walking goal. The mall was empty so I decided to take a fast lap. About halfway around the top level, a young man jumped in front of my path almost knocking me over.
“How would you like me to get rid of all your wrinkles?”
I was dumbfounded and insulted. I’m not exactly a Shar Pei. As I glared at him, I didn’t notice his female co-worker behind me gently pushing me to a chair in the store. The two of them proceeded to tell me that they had a product that would get rid of the layers of age that had—I guess—taken over my entire face. While she wiped away make up, he applied this liquid under my eyes.
“How does it feel?” he asked. His co-worker bellowed, “You are gorgeous!” Now, I might have fallen for this empty flattery, but I was in jean shorts, running shoes, and a tee shirt. I had wet hair and minimal make up, so gorgeous was not a word in my vocabulary at this time. This is not my normal go-out-in-public attire, but I hadn’t planned to stay at the mall (stupid Fitbit for screaming at me to walk.)
In all honesty, I did feel a tightening around my eyes and when the guy handed me a mirror, I think I saw some type of smoothing occurring. Out came their iPads and they showed me that a supply of this cream was only $1290.
“Dollars? Twelve hundred dollars? Are you crazy?” I started to get out of the chair and a hand pushed me back into the seat.
“Do you like how it works? I can probably get the manager to give you a good deal.”
Was I truly haggling over a jar of wrinkle cream or was there a BMW that went along with this product?
“Yea, unless you can take it down to $30 bucks, it’s not happening,” I said sort of bluntly.
“Okay, hold on. Let me see what I can do.” He swiped his iPad again. “How about $299 and we will throw in our miracle moisturizer.”
So, in a span of five minutes, the price dropped $1000 dollars and I got a free jar of more miracle crap? I had to wonder how stupid are the people who actually buy it at $1290?
When the dynamic duo realized I was not whipping out a credit card, they threw one last Hail Mary pass and the guy said, “You could be beautiful and young again. Wouldn’t you want that?”
“I’d rather be old and not so gullible—thank you.”
I stood up and walked away. Before I left the store, the guy gave me his business card in case I changed my mind. Will I go back? No. I am used to whatever wrinkles I have. And the way my luck has been going, that stuff will make me young again–so young, I’ll get acne. Always be careful what you wish for.