This Many Calories In Four Tons of Makawoni Au Graten (Haitian macaroni and cheese)

A bit less than four tons.

The brilliant foodie Italiandiva asks:

“How many calories are there in four tons of Makawoni Au Graten?”

Dear Italiandiva,

Thank you for your interest.  The answer is 10,533,019 calories. This will serve 18,879 people.

Here’s how I derived that number. My recipe weighs 3.39 pounds. Four tons equals 8,000 pounds. I simply converted my recipe to serve 18,879 instead of eight.

Ingredient            Calories in four tons
———–             ———————-
pasta                            3,969,340
small onions                    49,528
garlic cloves                       9,434
red bell peppers              73,113
butter                               721,698
evaporated milk         1,075,472
mayonnaise                 1,441,038
Parmesan cheese        1,523,585
Edam cheese               1,669,811

Total =                        10,533,019

It almost goes without saying that you will need 2,360 casserole dishes. Actually, your shopping event will not be as fearsome as that. You already have one such casserole dish. So you will only need to buy 2,359 more. And here’s a time-saving tidbit. My recipe for 18,879 people requires 2,360 garlic cloves. That’s a lot of garlic cloves to peel. May I suggest buying already peeled garlic cloves? It will save you a lot of time. And oh, you’ll need 2,359 more ovens or one that’s built to truly exciting specifications.

Keep your questions coming.


Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., calorie counter


Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperback or Kindle on

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