Probing Prominent Prostate Problem

This story actually happened some time ago, so not to worry: I do NOT have cancer.

But the docs thought I might … for several years. Specifically, I had high prostate specific antigen readings, otherwise known as PSA. That’s why I kept having to visit my urologist, Doctor Finger. What a pain in the ass.

But it could be worse. I always thought a urologist dealt with urine issues, and I don’t want anyone’s finger going up that way.

So they tested, and probed (!) and tested again, during which time I was told I might have cancer … or not. So then they went in with a needle and took about a dozen samples, something called a biopsy. Do you want to know where they go in with a needles to get those samples?

No. No, you do not.

A James Webb Space Telescope image of my prostate.


It came up, um, clean, but the PSA count stayed high. Way high. Too high. Something was wrong.

(Some men go for years with high PSA ratings, without ever getting cancer. Women rarely have high PSA readings, what with them not having prostates. But men don’t often have to get mammograms, so never mind.)

And so, in desperation, Doctor Finger sent me to get an MRI. That stands for Magnetic Resonance Imaging, and costs about a hundred dollars a letter. That’s $600 just for the magnet. (Buying and installing one MRI machine can cost more than three million dollars.)

I’ll be writing separately about the MRI … it was an experience. Honestly, I’d much rather go through it again than have a physical exam by my urologist, who’s a really nice guy but has big hands. The MRI took an hour, and the digital exam a few minutes, but it felt the opposite.

I know you’re anxious to see the results … um, hear–hear the results. Well, there was no immediate sign of cancer. Yay!

But my prostate was, quoting Doctor Finger, “as big as my head”. And his head is even bigger than his hands.

If the prostate was a balloon, mine would be the Hindenburg.


Now, here’s the fun part: My prostate is two and a half times its normal size. He explained that PSA readings are like harvesting crops: The bigger the field, the more crops you harvest. So, since my prostate was bigger, my PSA count was naturally bigger, too.

See where I’m going with this?

Yeah. For ten years when I might have had cancer because of unusually high PSA counts, my PSA counts were NORMAL.


You know, I lead a fairly stressful life already; I don’t need any help. Just sayin’.



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4 thoughts on “Probing Prominent Prostate Problem”

  1. Modern medicine claims to have a lot of answers. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t.
    I have been a student of natural healing for a long time and put a considerable amount of faith in old time healing methods that were used by ancient peoples for milleniums. Herbs make up a lot of this.
    For the prostate there are a couple surprising and surprisingly effect items that can be used to help its well being. Surprisingly green pumpkins seeds can shrink a proststate. It takes 12 months apparently though. Also saw palmetto, nettles (yes, nettles!) and a substance in green tea have proven to help. No less an entity that the Mayo Clinic itself has stated that it bleives from testing that green tea is especially effective in combating prostate cancer.
    There is a book that I use like a Bible for health called Nutritional Healing. Older versions of it can be found on Amazon for less that $10 with shipping. It is big and intimidating , but all of the diseases and the alternative substances for use against them are listed alphabetically.
    Good luck with it! I’ve had fantastic luck with natural healing.

    1. My high school science teacher took a bunch of nettles and showed us how they could be made edible–they were pretty good with a little butter and salt. I believe there’s saw palmetto in the prostate supplement I take.

      I drink a lot of green tea, with honey. Good stuff!

  2. That doctor looks to have his finger on the pulse but on the other hand…

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