Coffee, salad dressing, ketchup and marinara sauce are all programmed to seek out your white blouse and kill it.
The year you have a big tax refund due you is the year you will put off doing your taxes until the last minute.
Never rinse out an opened cat food can by using your fingers.
Night of the Living Dead is not the best choice for a movie to watch just before you go to bed.
Never try to tease a cat. There will be a whimpering, bloody mess on the floor, and it won’t be the cat.
Make sure you know what you are saying before you try speaking in a foreign language to a native speaker. Ignore this advice, and you will have only yourself to blame if you become an object of humiliating hilarity for the rest of your life. (“You said ficken! Bwaaaaahahahahaha!”)
Always return library books on time. You don’t know what germs might be incubating on them. You can probably get the same books on Kindle, anyway.
If you give someone advice about germs, try to make sense.
Don’t pay attention to chain emails or the sweet, well-meaning, superstitious friends who send them. If your luck then turns sour because you broke the chain, just wear a little horn-shaped pendant and it will be all better.