I Killed My Boyfriend and All I Got Was This Crappy Lifetime Movie | HumorOutcasts

I Killed My Boyfriend and All I Got Was This Crappy Lifetime Movie

June 23, 2013

Jodi Mug ShotOn Saturday night, Lifetime premiered their movie Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret. I can’t help but wonder if Jodi Arias had loftier Hollywood expectations when she pictured her story being made into a movie.

Perhaps she imagined Angelina Jolie playing her on the big screen. She’d come visit Jodi in prison to research the role and they would compare knife collections. They’d bond as they discussed which blade is sharpest if you want to draw your own blood so you can wear it in a vial around your neck or gut your boyfriend.

I bet she imagined a huge, glitzy Hollywood premiere at the Chinese Theater where she would walk the red carpet in her Harry Winston diamond-studded shackles and Chanel orange jumpsuit. She would have Angie and Brad beside her making sure the flashbulbs of the paparazzi didn’t blind her and make her trip as she shuffled into the theater.

Alas, it wasn’t to be. Instead of Angelina, she got some chick named Tania Raymonde to portray her. Instead of a glitzy premiere at the Chinese, she probably traded in some menthols for a stale, day-old eggroll to chow down as she watched her basic cable movie of the week all alone in her cell.

I bet right now Jodi is thinking: “If I had known I was only going to get a crappy Lifetime movie out of it, I never would’ve killed the dude in the first place.” No doubt she has learned a valuable lesson: Before you do the crime, make sure you have a really good agent.



Mario Turchiarolo

Mario Turchiarolo is a film/TV/and comic book writer. He’s also a foodie who loves to cook and eat. Check out his food blog The Bite at http://the-biteblog.blogspot.com.

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10 Responses to I Killed My Boyfriend and All I Got Was This Crappy Lifetime Movie

  1. Peter Webster
    June 24, 2013 at 10:21 pm

    who the *&*^%$%^ is jodi aryarse the only jodie I have known was my horse in England, and my spell check ses she core speel her name write eather.

  2. Kathy Minicozzi
    June 23, 2013 at 9:55 pm

    I didn’t know who Jodi Arias was, either.

    She did get shafted, though. That woman who killed her abusive husband by setting his bed on fire ended up with Farah Fawcett playing her!

    • June 24, 2013 at 5:02 am

      Exactly. Perhaps if fire is involved you get a better actress to play in the movie.

  3. June 23, 2013 at 7:18 am

    She is the only one I know whose mugshot could be used for a college senior portrait. Who smiles and tilts their head for a mugshot and she combed her hair. Who was that police photographer? Very funny!

    • June 24, 2013 at 5:04 am

      You would never know by how she looks in that picture that she is being charged with murder. Though I guess being a felon is no excuse not to look good.

      • Kathy Minicozzi
        June 25, 2013 at 1:28 am

        Well, looks count in any career, right?

  4. Bill Y Ledden
    June 23, 2013 at 4:27 am

    Well, believe it or not, I don’t know who Jody Arias is but I’m learning that murder gets films made?

    • June 23, 2013 at 5:20 am

      You’ve never heard of Jodi Arias or Kim Kardashian. Bill, you are one lucky bastard.

      • June 23, 2013 at 4:22 pm

        I also didn’t know who Jodi was. I HAVE heard of Kim and her daughter North West! If that IS Jodi’s mug shot, it must be for the prison yearbook!

        • June 24, 2013 at 5:05 am

          She did win the prison Christmas Carol singing contest so she can’t be that horrible a person.

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