Kathy’s Points to Remember | HumorOutcasts

Kathy’s Points to Remember

May 17, 2013

Would you trust this critter?

Would you trust this critter?

1. Don’t put your cat in charge of your inkjet toners. Cats are relatively color-blind and they can’t read numbers. If you ask her for a black toner, she’ll probably toss you a tri-color one. When you tell her it’s the wrong one, she’ll just hiss, “What’s the difference?” and go back to sleep.

2. If you are in New York City and you end up behind a slow-moving older woman who is pushing a cart, pulling a suitcase and/or otherwise burdened down, do not complain. Above all, never curse at her. She may not hesitate to show you why New York’s old ladies should not be trifled with. She can also out-curse you, because she’s old enough to know more words than you do, in more different languages.

3. You have only yourself to blame if that kumquat salad you bought at the greengrocer’s six months ago, then forgot about, knocks you out cold with the smell when you finally get around to cleaning out your fridge.

4. If you want to get some good practice with almost any foreign language, take a ride on a New York City subway, or walk around Times Square and eavesdrop on the tourists.

5. Speaking of tourists, all rules of civility are automatically canceled when one of them tries to cut in line in front of one of us (i.e. New Yorkers) at Starbucks. This really applies in the morning and right after lunch, when we are experiencing caffeine withdrawal and will go to any lengths to get it.

6. Actually, No. 5 applies to anyone who tries to cut in line in front of us at Starbucks when the caffeine fit is on.

Do not step between us and this!

Do not step between us and this!

Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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4 Responses to Kathy’s Points to Remember

  1. Bill Y Ledden
    May 18, 2013 at 3:33 am

    I wish I had of read no. 1 before now. We have this new cat in work who was put in charge of the toner. It’s a horrible story that ends in her getting promoted out of fear of getting print jobs wrong. I’ve been working there for years and I’ve never been promoted. Damn that illiterate, color-blind moggy!

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      May 18, 2013 at 2:34 pm

      If you want to get the real dirt on this kitty, just ask some of the local tomcats. They just might have enough scandal to persuade the boss to give the kitty the sack.

  2. May 17, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    I would never cut some one off in line in NYC.

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      May 18, 2013 at 2:35 pm

      You are a wise man indeed.

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