1. Start the morning with a visit to the dentist and a root canal. I did this a few days ago. Fortunately, I am not afraid of dentists. I have been known to doze off during dental procedures. That’s what you do when you are sitting in a chair with two people standing over you wielding metal instruments: fall asleep, because you have nothing better to do. When you are a humor writer, inspiration can come from the weirdest sources.
2. Trip over something in your workplace and fall flat on your face, preferably in front of people, including the building manager. I did this, too, last week. It hurt my knee and my ego, not necessarily in that order.
3. When you are with a group of people, lag behind them and get lost, then blame them for not paying attention and waiting for you to catch up. No, I haven’t done this – yet.
4. Post a scathing denunciation of your boss, a colleague or a potential employer on Facebook, meaning it only for your “close friends,” and forget and post it as “public.” Be surprised when consequences happen.
5. Drop a $20 bill on the ground and don’t realize it until you look for it several hours later and can’t find it. A variation on this: put a $20 bill in a drawer at home, figuring that it will come in handy later, and forget you put it there.
6. Neglect to check the weather reports, and end up in a rainstorm without an umbrella, wearing a wool coat that soaks up water like a sponge and a pair of suede shoes.
7. Drop your cell phone into the toilet. Get mad when people laugh at you when you tell them why their calls are going temporarily unanswered.
8. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and watch yourself age.
9. Do or say something to piss off your boss, your landlord, your significant other or the kitchen staff in a restaurant (spit is a very useful weapon of revenge).
10. Go outside for two minutes to take out the garbage on a really cold day wearing only a cardigan, a pair of slippers and flannel pajamas with pictures of kittens all over them, and accidentally lock yourself out of the house.
Have a nice day!
Sound like one of those an average days where nothing interesting happens!
Yup, cells phones fear chest pockets. Too funny.
You could’ve also called this Ten Reasons Not To Get Out of Bed In The Morning. Funny one, Kathy!
*takes a big stage bow*
Thank you!
Nice pictures with this article!
Thank you. An iPhone and Microsoft Picture Manager come in very handy.