A few days ago I was bitten on the side of the neck by a spider. It became inflamed and warranted a trip to the local medical facility. It also infected the lymph node behind my right ear to the point they prescribed antibiotics and some other concoction of meds that induced the strangest dreams I’d ever experienced.
I dreamt I went to a political rally at our local college. I remember seeing John McCain sitting in the front row of the auditorium. The only other seat available was the one next to him. I sat down in hope no one would see my swollen-red-pus-laden bite, not to mention the infected lymph gland. I glanced over at McCain and noticed his glands were as enlarged as mine. I’d made fun of his nodes for years and now felt remorse and shame for mocking his painful glandular condition.
Me: “Hey John, you don’t know me but I just want to say I’m really sorry that I cracked jokes about your swollen lymph nodes. This shit is really painful and the reason I’m having this weird dream about you. But the drugs are awesome!”
McCain: “No problem Deb. I’m glad you caught yours in time. Being that close to your brain it could have affected your judgment. Hell, why do you think I chose Palin as my running mate – bad lymphs.”
At this point Sarah Palin and POTUS Obama walked in and voiced their sympathy of my swollen gland.
Palin: “Jeez Deb, I’m really sorry your gland has swollen to the size of an Alaskan goose egg. And that bite is so red and bulbous. I could see it from my kitchen window!”
Obama: “I can’t believe I’m saying this but I totally agree with Sarah on this one. That bite looks as red as a republican’s tie which you might want to wrap around your neck to stop the swelling. You can call it inflation control, hah, see what I did there, republicans . . . inflation – oh well, that’s why I’m in politics and not stand up comedy.”
Palin: “He should joke! If you had ears as big as his no one would have noticed!”
Obama: “Hey! Don’t mock the ears Sarah! Anyways, this is about Deb and her medical condition. You do have heath coverage, right?”
At this point a group of zombies and pigs ran down the aisle and that’s when Doctor Who and the TARDIS appeared taking me back before the time I got bit, so none of this happened, maybe – who knows? Perhaps the Doctor knows.
Me (before the second dose of drugs kicked in): “Hey . . . I can see Terminus and the White House from Gallifrey!”
I woke my husband and told him of this strange dream. He said that I should post it on HumorOutcasts – so I did. Thank you all for laughing at my pain. Uh, gotta stop, it’s time for more meds.