Boob One And Boob Two

stolen purse

After two wallet thefts within a six- month time frame, I decided to give up carrying a purse.  So where was I to carry my wallet and my cell phone?  Pockets?  I don’t know about you, but I don’t always have an outfit with pockets.  So I spent some time contemplating what to do.  My aha moment came when I realized that there is one item that I wear everyday y without fail.  I never ever leave home without it.  So unless I want my boobs to hang down as far as my falling gynecological parts do, I ain’t leavin’ the house without a bra.

You’re welcome.

Problem solved.  You will now find me on any given day, with my cell phone in one bra cup, and my wallet in the other.  Thus, please let me know what you think of my following solution while I thank Dr. Suess for the inspiration.


Did you ever hear of boob one and boob two?

They sit on my chest and they look out at you.

On each side of one, is an arm and a hand.

Two is the same, they’re a pair, they are grand.

Most days on the arm of boob one could be found,

a purse hanging down, it was red. It was round.

A stranger broke in and with fingers so light,

she took out my wallet, no struggle, no fight.


Now days it’s easier for boob one and boob two,

they don’t have to put up with that purse that was new.

Boob one has the credit. Boob two has the phone.

I can give you a call. I can make you a loan.


I can now walk with pride with boob one and boob two,

for I don’t have to carry a purse now.  Do you?



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11 thoughts on “Boob One And Boob Two”

  1. Dr. Seuss would be proud, oh yes, yes he would
    That you’ve given the ta-tas a job; this is good.
    Though lactation is done, they still have a purpose
    And that is to serve as your mammary sherpas.

  2. Times are changing. Boobs, they’re just not for lactating anymore! Great post!It’s not just timely,but also practical and fun filled.

  3. Let us not forget the girls can be careless. I once lost a 100 dollar bill out of Boob 1, and cussed both Boob 1 and 2 out for letting it go that easily.

  4. Love it, Leslie! This is a lot of fun. I smell a Seussian book of rhymes for Boomers. Or maybe you’ll even write a Book 1 and Book 2.

  5. My daughter, who is 12, is on a mission to find women’s clothing with real pockets. She finds it the height of sexism that girl pockets can’t hold anything bigger than a lipgloss. Of course, she can’t fit much anywhere else. As for me, my girls can hold not only my credit card, a twenty dollar bill, my driver’s license and my phone, but also a set of keys and a snack and a drink for later in case I get hungry. This is the only advantage I’ve found so far for being well-endowed.

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