Pot Roasts and Zoroaster

American Entree



1 pound carrots
2 celery stalks
1 medium onion
1 pound Yukon gold potatoes
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
3 pounds trimmed boneless beef chuck roast
1⅓ cups beef broth
2 tablespoons red wine
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
2 bay leaves
1 teaspoon rosemary

¼ cup flour


Dutch oven
slow cooker

Serves 6. Takes 7 hours 30 minutes.


Peel carrots. Cut carrots, celery stalks, and onion into 1″ slices. Cut potatoes into 1½” cubes. Add oil to Dutch oven. Heat oil at medium-high heat. Carefully add chuck roast to pan. (Hot splattered oil is painful.) Brown chuck roast for 5 minutes at medium-high heat. Turn occasionally to ensure even browning. (This is also good advice for yourself when sunbathing at the beach.) Remove and set aside roast. Scoop off with large spoon any fat that has risen to surface of liquid.

Add carrot, celery, onion, and potato to slow cooker. Cut roast as necessary to fit in slow cooker. Add roast. Add beef broth, red wine, Worcestershire sauce, bay leaves, and rosemary. Cover and cook at high setting for 6 hours 30 minutes or until meat can be pulled apart with fork.

Remove roast and veggies to large service plate. Discard bay leaves. Tear roast into 1″ pieces using fork. Use large spoon to scoop off any grease atop the liquid. Reserve liquid. Add flour, and liquid from slow cooker to pan. Whisk until well blended. If necessary, add enough water to make 2 cups total liquid. Cook at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until mixture bubbles and thickens into gravy. Stir frequently. Ladle gravy over veggies and pot-roast pieces.


1) Pot roast is a good entree.

2) In fact, it is just plain good. Life is good when pot roast is around.

3) However, pot roast didn’t exist in 1250 B.C.

4) This is why constant wars and murders engulfed the ancient world.

5) Somehting had to be done.

6) Spelling something correctly would be the first step.

7) Creating the chef that would make pot roast would be the next great stride.

8) And in 1251 BC, Mr. and Mrs. Pot, pot makers of eastern Iran, loved each other vary much.

9) In 1250 BC, Mrs. Pot gave birth to a healthy, bouncy boy.

10) Their boy bounced as all Iranians of that time used trampolines as cribs.

11) “What should we call this son?” asked the father as he watched the boy closely enough to keep it from bouncing off the edge of the trampoline.

12) The mother glanced at the boy’s eyes whenever he bounced that way. “There is much goodness in him. As surely as one follows zero, he will turn evil into goodness wherever he goes. And as our priests say, roast, the food of the gods, is pure goodness. So we will name him, “Zero Roast.”

13) “How about naming him Zoroaster?” asked the father who loved anagrams. The mother agreed.

14) Little Zoroaster was a fine boy. He loved the truth. He never even looked at the answers at the back of crossword puzzles whenever he got stuck on a clue.

15) Wherever the honest boy went, honesty bloomed. Life got a little better all around him.

16) But not a lot. True happiness lies in eating good, honest food prepared by a great chef.

17) The people of Iran all told Zoroaster, “Become a chef and create a magic roast.”

18) So he did. He used the same ingredients and preparation in this dish. I know, that’s spooky, but I swear Zoroaster and I never met each other. How could I? I’ve never even been to Iran.

19) Anyway, Zoroaster made this dish. He called it Pot Roast after his parents. And it was good. Zoroaster saw the truth of its goodness. He thereupon came up with the religion that aša, truth, was good and that druj, lies was bad. Goodness would triumph when enough of us ate pot roast and told the truth.

20) To this day, the golden days of humanity have been when we have been honest and ate our pot roast as well. Wars and pestilence have stalked the Earth whenever we have not. So tell the truth and eat pot roast, for goodness sake.

Chef Paul

frontcoverscanCheck out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com

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