Heidi Clements – Page 2 – HumorOutcasts.com

08 Jul, 2026

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Shoot The Messenger

February 12, 2014February 12, 2014 Heidi Clements

I finally know why Cupid carries a sack of arrows. It’s not to shoot unsuspecting victims and make them fall in love with each other – because that’s a childish and stupid concept – and […]

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What A Boob

February 6, 2014February 8, 2014 Heidi Clements

“I think my tits are made of memory foam”, I said to the poor man joining me for dinner. “It’s like I keep cutting them off and they keep growing back. They’re the Tempurpedic of […]

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Cruise To Nowhere

February 3, 2014February 3, 2014 Heidi Clements

While everyone was very busy ooing and ahhing over the superbowl commercials for things like underwear from David Beckham and sparkling water from Scarlett Johanson – I was mesmerized by another commercial – one where […]

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Keeping It Real – Naked

February 2, 2014February 2, 2014 Heidi Clements

When it comes to sex, I consider myself to be a fairly well adjusted person and by fairly I mean – I don’t run screaming from the room if a man takes his pants off. […]

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Single Old Female

January 31, 2014January 31, 2014 Heidi Clements

Married people and people with children sometimes say the darnedest things to single childless people… and by darnedest I mean – dumb, stupid, inane, insulting, ridiculous, and for a big finish let me whip out […]

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Weed Whacked

January 30, 2014January 31, 2014 Heidi Clements

Hi, my name is Heidi and I’m a pot-smoking vegan. Okay, raise your hand if you thought you’d never hear me say that? All hands up? Good. Thankfully, I’m wearing Chanel underpants as I say […]

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The Imperial March: E------------------|--------------|-----------------|--------------|---- B------------------|--------------|--3--3--3--4-----|--------------|---- G---0--0--0-----3--|--0-----3--0--|--3--3--3--3--3--|--------3--0--|---- D---0--0--0--1-----|--0--1-----0--|--5--5--5--4-----|--4--1-----0--|---- A---1--1--1--1-----|--1--1-----1--|-----------------|--6--1-----1--|---- E------------2-----|-----2--------|-----------------|--6--2--------|---- E E---3--------3--2--1--|----E--------------E--|-------------------------- B---3--------3--3-----|--5p4--5-----2--1--0--|----E--------------E------ G---3--E--E--3--3-----|--6----6--E--1--1-----|--3p2--3--E--0-----3------ D---5--5--5--5--------|--6----6--6--2--2-----|--1----1--1--0--1--------- A---------------------|----------------------|-------------1--1--------- E---------------------|----------------------|----------------2--------- E------|--------------||------------------------------------------------ B------|--------E--3--||------------------------------------------------ G---0--|--3--0--3--3--||------------------------------------------------ D---0--|--5--0-----5--||------------------------------------------------ A---1--|--5--1--------||------------------------------------------------ E------|--------------||------------------------------------------------

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