Shoot The Messenger
I finally know why Cupid carries a sack of arrows. It’s not to shoot unsuspecting victims and make them fall in love with each other – because that’s a childish and stupid concept – and […]
Author: Heidi Clements
supermodel, scientist, philosopher. i invented the donut hole.
I write a blog and a tv show. Both are amazing. As am I. Ish.
What A Boob
“I think my tits are made of memory foam”, I said to the poor man joining me for dinner. “It’s like I keep cutting them off and they keep growing back. They’re the Tempurpedic of […]
Cruise To Nowhere
While everyone was very busy ooing and ahhing over the superbowl commercials for things like underwear from David Beckham and sparkling water from Scarlett Johanson – I was mesmerized by another commercial – one where […]
Keeping It Real – Naked
When it comes to sex, I consider myself to be a fairly well adjusted person and by fairly I mean – I don’t run screaming from the room if a man takes his pants off. […]
Single Old Female
Married people and people with children sometimes say the darnedest things to single childless people… and by darnedest I mean – dumb, stupid, inane, insulting, ridiculous, and for a big finish let me whip out […]
Weed Whacked
Hi, my name is Heidi and I’m a pot-smoking vegan. Okay, raise your hand if you thought you’d never hear me say that? All hands up? Good. Thankfully, I’m wearing Chanel underpants as I say […]