1. If you must call your boss a frog f***ing freak of nature, do not do it on Facebook.
2. If you must cuss in the office, do it in a language that nobody there understands.
3. Try not to jam the photocopier more than twice a day. It annoys people.
4. Always expect the FedEx delivery guy to show up with an important delivery when you have left your desk to take a bathroom break.
5. The phone will always ring just as you have taken a big bite of a bagel, a sandwich or a donut, and it will not be your mother telling you not to eat with your mouth full.
6. If you fall asleep at your desk, try not to snore.
7. Even if you haven’t seen him all day, your boss will inevitably walk by your desk when you are surfing the internet.
8. Do not have an affair with someone at the office. All of your co-workers will know about it, including that guy two cubicles down from you who secretly hates your guts because you got that promotion and he didn’t. He will install a secret video camera in the conference room, catch the two of you reviewing the Kama Sutra together, and post it on YouTube. Your spouse, your mother, your maniac brother-in-law and the whole world will know what you are doing. Moral: do not have an affair with someone at the office.