A. I always look like that. No wonder I usually get a seat on the bus.
Q. I have been squatting … er, crashing in my friend’s apartment for two years now. He originally invited me to stay for two weeks while another friend got his apartment ready for me, but I liked this place better and decided not to move out. I pay no rent, throw noisy parties, eat most of my roommate’s food and never wash dishes, do laundry or clean up. In other words, this is a really good deal. My roommate has, on separate occasions, changed the locks, had all my stuff moved out to the lobby and set fire to my bed. Do you think he’s trying to tell me something? … Anxious Roomie
A. If you were in the bed when he set fire to it, he isn’t trying to tell you anything. He’s trying to kill you. In that case, you might consider contacting your other friend (if you still have one) to ask if you can follow the original plan.
If you were not in the bed when he set fire to it, he’s probably just trying to tell you to get a new mattress that doesn’t smell so bad.