By now, you’ve all heard the tragic news: Bruce and Kris Jenner are splitting up. I bet you’re just as shocked as I am to hear this. Though in hindsight, I guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise. With Bruce’s name not beginning with a K, the marriage was doomed from the start. It’s obvious he’s the weak link in the Kardashian khain.
It seems the Kardashian women can’t catch a break lately. Poor Khloe has Lamar who’s in love with crack. Kim has Kanye who’s in love with himself. Now Kris is losing her life size Ken doll. Sure a trip with her best pal Amex on Rodeo Drive will take away the sting for a while but those emotional scars will last a lot longer than her daytime talk show.
I have to admit I feel bad for Bruce the most. I doubt when he was smiling on that Wheaties box all those years ago with his original face, he was thinking, “One day I’m going to marry some whacko who has an unhealthy attachment to the letter K and makes me star on a crappy reality show.” My guess is he was actually thinking, “I hope no one finds out I hate this cereal and I’m really a Froot Loops guy. Apple Jacks in a pinch.”
I’m sure Bruce is devastated his marriage is over. Now the poor bastard has to get plastic surgery again just so he can look sad about it. That’s okay, Bruce. Go ahead and skip the surgery, pal. You can be one of those creepy, crying on the inside kind of clowns.