Alcohol kills germs, so I drink it to sanitize my organs. It’s basically a health food.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 19, 2013
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 19, 2013
3 y.o. daughter: Let’s paint our house pink
Me: That’s too girlie
3: But only girls live here
I guess I’m not much of a male role model.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 19, 2013
I don’t believe in guilt trips. I never feel guilty when I trip someone. Walk it off, grandma.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 19, 2013
To get in the holiday spirit, when you see a dead deer on the side of the road, shout, “Oh no! They killed Rudolph!” Little kids love it.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 19, 2013