4-year-old: Why can’t I watch “The Walking Dead?” Me: Because you’re still afraid of the vacuum. 4: *whispers* Can vacuums be zombies?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 4, 2014
4-year-old: How old are you? Me: Almost 30. 4: Are you going to die soon?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 4, 2014
4-year-old: Why do my hands taste funny? Me: I don’t know. Go wash them. 4: Don’t you want to taste them first?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 4, 2014
In my day, we didn’t deal with bullies by tattling or talking about our feelings. We just developed telekinetic powers and burned down prom.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 4, 2014
Me: What language do pigs speak? 4-year-old: Me: Pig Latin! 4: Me: 4: Me: 4: When are you going to say the funny part?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 5, 2014