Daylight Savings Explained | HumorOutcasts

Daylight Savings Explained

March 4, 2016
By

Dear Mr. Explainer,GrandfatherClock

We set our clocks forward one hour on March 13. So we lose an hour. But then we get it back on November 6 when we set our clocks back one hour? Where does that hour go for all those months? Does it goes to a parallel universe to visit all those socks that disappear from our clothes dryer? Did I even spell “dryer” correctly? What is the point of swapping an hour for an hour?

– Eduardo Salinas Albondigas, baffled as hell.

Dear Mr. Hell,

Daylights savings is kinda like investing in a certificate of deposit, you put in a dollar at 4% for 238 days to get back $1.0259039*. Same here, you put in one hour of sleep at 4% and get back 1.0259039 hours. So, in the fall, you get one day that’s 24,0259039 hours long. That means you receive an extra 1.55432 minutes of sleep that day.** Perhaps just long enough to transform you from an ever-the-edge grumpy non-morning person axe murderer to a mere under-the-edge grumpy non-morning person.

Check it out, the murder rate will plummet on November 6. Oh, and don’t travel out of America that day. The other countries do not get that extra 1.55432 minutes of rest and so, will be murdering each other with axes. And who wants to be around that?

– Paul R. De Lancey
Mr. ExplainerDeLanceyPaul

* = CDs that accept deposits of $1 and have maturity lengths of 238 are notoriously hard to find.
** = November 6 is officially still 24 hours 0 minutes long. All clocks and watches in America stop for 1.55432 minutes at 2 am.

Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com.

 

Paul De Lancey

Paul De Lancey writes in multiple genres: adventure, westerns, morality, time travel, thriller, and culinary, all spiced with zaniness. He is a frequent contributor to HumorOutcasts. His novels "Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms?" "Beneficial Murders," "We’re French and You’re Not," and "The Fur West" and his cookbook Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World have won acclaim from award-winning authors. Paul is also the writer of hilarious articles and somewhat drier ones in Economics. Dr. De Lancey obtained his Doctorate in Economics from the University of Wisconsin. His thesis, “Official Reserve Management and Forecasts of Official Reserves,” disappears from bookstore shelves so quickly that most would-be purchasers can never find it in stock. Paul, known to his friends as Paul, was the proud co-host of the online literary events Bump Off Your Enemies, The Darwin Murders, and Tasteful Murders. He also co-collected, co-edited, and co-published the e-book anthologies resulting from these events. Perhaps Mr. De Lancey will someday become a literary giant without having to die for the title. The humorist is a direct descendant of the great French Emperor Napoleon. Actually, that explains a lot of things. Paul ran for President of the United States in 2012! Woo hoo! On the Bacon & Chocolate ticket. Estimates of Bacon & Chocolate’s share of the votes range from 3 to 1.5% of the total. El Candidato also lost a contentious campaign to be El Presidente of Venezuela. In late 2013, Chef Paul participated in the International Bento Competition. The great statesman is again running for president, this time under HumorOutcasts’ sponsorship. Contact Paul before he gets elected to get that ambassadorship to Tahiti you’ve always wanted. Mr. De Lancey makes his home, with his wonderful family, in Poway, California. He divides his time between being awake and asleep. His books are available at: www.lordsoffun.com and amazon.com.

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9 Responses to Daylight Savings Explained

  1. March 6, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    I so loved the math!!! Brilliant! First paragraph sucked me right in. I’m glad you are contemplating the important questions no one asks!

  2. Kathy Minicozzi
    March 5, 2016 at 8:40 pm

    Daylight Savings Time. A conspiracy of Satan to confuse people, make people one hour late or one hour early for whatever they do on Sunday mornings and cause temporary jet lag.

    • March 7, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      California might be voting soon to repeal Satan’s conspiracy. We are a pious people.

      • Kathy Minicozzi
        March 8, 2016 at 1:22 am

        Please ask the people of California to pray for us here in New York, that we, too, may see the error of our ways.

  3. March 5, 2016 at 7:38 am

    Only someone expert in plate tectonics could put together this post oh Comic Chef!

    • March 7, 2016 at 8:48 pm

      I’m not just another pretty face. 🙂

    • March 12, 2016 at 10:19 pm

      I’m not just another pretty face.

  4. March 4, 2016 at 1:43 pm

    Dear Paul,

    Love this post. Thanks so much for this lesson in enlightenment. I’m just not sure now where I’m going to get the time back I used for reading it. Maybe if I do my writing a little faster, I can save time and bank it to read your posts. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

    • March 7, 2016 at 8:48 pm

      Excelsior, Leslie, excelsior!



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