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Author: Mike Morris

I'm a retired professor of psychology (University of New Haven). I publish the satirical blog UNIVERSITY LIFE and actually look like the default profile picture that accompanies my posts on HumorOutcasts.

National Weather Service Issues “Red Flag” Wildfire Warning for Ted Cruz’s Beard

March 16, 2021 Mike Morris

In a Monday morning posting on its website, the National Weather Service announced that the facial hair of Texas Senator Ted Cruz represents a significant fire hazard.  “Think of the Senator’s beard as a tinderbox […]

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Fiction

CDC’s Approval of Dr. Pepper Vaccine for Marginalized Communities Stirs Controversy

March 11, 2021 Mike Morris

Centers for Disease Control Director Rochelle Walensky planted herself firmly in the national hot seat on Wednesday when she endorsed the delivery — to low-income communities nationwide — of 43 million doses of a COVID […]

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2 CommentsFiction

Use of “Rock, Paper, Scissors” to Resolve Afghan Conflict Hits Snag

March 9, 2021 Mike Morris

In a secret meeting facilitated by U. S. Secretary of State Anthony Blinken late Sunday night in Kabul, representatives of the Taliban and the Afghan government attempted to employ the game “Rock, Paper, Scissors” to […]

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1 CommentFiction

Protests Follow Alabama Governor’s Decision to Keep Mask Mandate in Place for the Unattractive

March 5, 2021 Mike Morris

Alabama Governor Kay Ivey announced yesterday that only ugly residents of her state will be required to wear face masks after April 9th.  “I believe this is a reasonable compromise,” said the Governor.  “Encountering beauty […]

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1 CommentFiction

Cruz Cruise Travel Agency Will Debut in March, Featuring Hospice-Linked Technology

February 23, 2021 Mike Morris

Say what you will about Ted Cruz, the Texas Senator who’s been accused of having a “brain-dead moment” when he decided to vacation with his daughters in Cancún during the recent weather-induced catastrophe in his […]

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Fiction

CDC Recommends “Triple-Masking” to Prevent Both COVID Infections and Breathing

February 13, 2021 Mike Morris

Having recently endorsed the practice of wearing two masks in public to provide extra protection against COVID-19, the Centers for Disease Control has now taken the next logical step: encouraging everyone to wear THREE masks.  […]

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1 CommentFiction

“Distinguished” or “Dipwad”? Backstage Turmoil Tarnishes Title Given to Mike Pence by Heritage Foundation

February 9, 2021 Mike Morris

Last week the Heritage Foundation, a conservative think tank, named former Vice President Mike Pence a Distinguished Visiting Fellow.  Behind the scenes, however, it was a bloodbath.  The Foundation’s Board of Trustees voted 12-10 to […]

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Fiction

Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene is Being Recalled to Galaxy of Zafftron

January 31, 2021 Mike Morris

On February 7th, Ms. Greene, the first extraterrestial to serve in the U. S. House of Representatives, will be beamed up to a Tesla Mother Ship and transported to Zafftron, her home galaxy in the […]

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Fiction

“There’s a Cheeseburger in My Sock Drawer in the Master Bedroom”: Contents of Trump’s Note to Biden Revealed

January 21, 2021 Mike Morris

The note also informs the new President that “a 1982 Playboy magazine is taped inside the lid of the toilet tank in the 2nd-floor bathroom.”

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Fiction

Pepperoni Hot Pockets Containing Glass and Plastic are Recalled by Nestlé, While Hot Pockets with Toenail Clippings and Birdseed Remain on Store Shelves

January 19, 2021 Mike Morris

Why is Nestlé, the maker of Hot Pockets, recalling the former but not the latter? The answer is simple, according to CEO Ulf Mark Schneider:  consumers report that the combination of toenail clippings and birdseed […]

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1 CommentFiction

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