Not much to tell about me, really. When I was born, my parents placed me in a small wooden boat and pushed me out into the center of the Pulaski Skyway where I was rescued and ultimately raised by a pair of opposums. Sadly, they died when I was very young. At least I think they died. From there I joined the Merchant Marines and was the only toddler in World War II to sink a Japanese battleship while being burped. When I returned to the states, I got a job at Gimbels Department Store and have been there ever since even though they went out of business in 1986. I have always valued loyalty over money and if that's wrong, talk to my wife. You'd get along famously. I am the author of the humor collection, "The Barber's Conundrum and Other Stories" and write a comedy blog called The Monkey Bellhop. I live in NJ. I know. I wish you could all live here, too.