Blog Archives

I just found out I’m related to Jesus – on my mother’s side

September 8, 2015
By

Isn’t that just divine? No need to worship me just because it turns out I’m probably a direct descendant of the Son of God.  This really won’t change me in any way. I’m still the…

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“Will you take $750 for that 2013 BMW?” – Helping my teenager buy her first car

September 1, 2015
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Recently I helped our younger teenage daughter, Emmy, purchase her first car. She had no idea how much used cars cost. I think she was hoping to afford a slightly used Lexus. What she got…

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WARNING: IMPROPER — USE OF THIS PRODUCT COULD INDICATE YOU’RE AN IDIOT

August 25, 2015
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America is the greatest melting pot on earth, welcoming people of all backgrounds and beliefs. It does not matter if you’re black or white, Christian or Jew, tall or short, young or old, wealthy or…

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Sears’ customer guarantee: Delivery between 1:45 and 3:45pm – NO MATTER WHAT!

August 18, 2015
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[Author’s note: I recently purchased a mattress from Sears. They were supposed to deliver it this past Thursday. But things did not quite go as planned. They sent me a customer feedback survey the following…

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I am not a happy camper

August 11, 2015
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Recently I started worrying that my wife no longer loves me. No, I didn’t catch her with another man. And no, we didn’t have another nasty argument about the proper way to load a dishwasher.…

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The joys and perils of working for my wife

August 4, 2015
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Recently my wife Michele and I started a new chapter in our lives by moving to a lovely, somewhat remote island. We also decided to start working together. We thought, what better way to strengthen…

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Kids, Ask Me About God – By Reverend Tornquist

July 28, 2015
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[Note from the staff at HumorOutcasts: This week, we are privileged to feature a LIVE CHAT with noted Christian evangelist Reverend Norman Tornquist, host of the popular webcast, Kids, Ask Me About God. Tornquist is…

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The joy of buying a new computer

July 21, 2015
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The joy of buying a new computer

I recently bought a new laptop because my old one was having problems. From my purchase experience, I want to pass along the following helpful piece of advice: NEVER EVER BUY A NEW COMPUTER. Limp…

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Is your self-esteem a little too positive? Why not try golf?

July 14, 2015
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Is your self-esteem a little too positive? Why not try golf?

When I’m feeling a little too good about myself – a little too self-assured – nothing brings me back down to earth, to my normal state of self-loathing and despair, like five hours of nonstop…

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The case against marriage equality for left-handed people

July 7, 2015
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The case against marriage equality for left-handed people

It’s time patriotic, flag-waving Americans stand up for our God-given right to oppose any minority group that makes us feel slightly uncomfortable. The time is now to raise arms – and legs – against the…

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