Bacon: because flavor is more important than living past 40
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 10, 2013
“I scream! You scream! We all scream for ice cream!”
But what you’ll get is a Ritalin prescription instead. Seriously, calm the fuck down.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 10, 2013
I can’t believe it’s 2013 and we still don’t have a holiday celebrating when Michael Jordan saved the earth from basketball-playing aliens.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 10, 2013
I’m at the point in my life where I could solve almost all of my problems with a bottle of vodka and two unsupervised hours with a bulldozer
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 10, 2013
Dear charity car wash: I’ll never stop for a high schooler in a bikini. There’s no way for me to pull into that lot without looking creepy.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 10, 2013