Me: I’m a bad boy.
Wife: If you mean you’re bad at being a boy, then yes.
Me:
Wife: What? You have more estrogen than a yogurt commercial
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 28, 2013
I avoid asking my coworkers personal questions. I don’t want to know unnecessary details, like their names or the fact that they exist.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 28, 2013
They say the key to happiness is to get a job doing what you love, but I don’t know how to get paid for eating food and taking naps.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 28, 2013
I have a hard time telling my wife “I love you” but I once wrote a power ballad dedicated to cheese, so, yes, I’m emotionally available.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 28, 2013
My insurance plan won’t even cover the cost of a bullet if I’m bitten by a zombie. Thanks for nothing, Obamacare.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 28, 2013
I knew you were drowning in estrogen and now your wife confirms my suspicions!