Somehow, I got a hold of Donald Trump’s diary for the past week. It came in the mail via an anonymous source. So allow me to share:
July 1, 2018 – oops, the jig is up. North Korea is not going to do anything I say. I even gave him Elton John CDs. I had a tantrum in the oval office so Sarah brought me Oreos and milk so I would feel better. Melania went shopping. Can we have a rally and invite lots of people to clap for me? Don’t invite Alan Dershowitz — he’s a party pooper and no one likes him anymore.
July 2, 2018 – Michael C. might flip on me. I don’t believe it. After all I’ve done for him? There was that time where…okay, not then, but there was that other time and…okay, not then, but there was the other time…uh oh, Melania go shopping and send Mikey C. a fun jacket.
July 3, 2018 – Everyone keeps yelling at my peeps when they go out to eat at restaurants. What the F*#k is that about? They are probably all Canadians. So tired of the hot Justin Trudeau and the sexy Justin Trudeau and the nice Justin Trudeau. I hate him. FOX News told me EVERYONE LOVES ME. Melania went shopping. Note: Ivanka needs a new license in China. I might have screwed that up with the tariffs. I hope she doesn’t hate me.
July 7, 2018 – People are still all worried about these kids at the borders. Don’t they know that families running from violence and oppression will bring that here? I have seen pictures of that one- year-old boy facing the judge for immigration violations. Hey, one year olds can poop all over us. They are dangerous.
July 8, 2018 – I hate that Balloon blimp in London. Someone go stick a pin in it. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! They don’t like me. They think I’m stupid. Where is my pacifier? Melania??? oh shopping.
July 8 , 2018 – Putin killed two people in London with Nerve Gas. So what. It’s only two people. I still love the guy. He promised me we could be co-emperors of the whole wide world. Don’t tell Rocket Man, I promised him that too. I need more KFC. Melania?