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Author: Eric Hetvile

Wanted in 14 states. But those states suck, anyway.

Truth May Have Been Stretched A Bit In Wison Family Christmas Letter

December 22, 2012 Eric Hetvile

After extensive investigative reporting by yours truly, Katherine Wilson admits that the truth may have been stretched a bit in this year’s Wilson Family Christmas letter. Katherine wrote that daughter Irene “has definitely been using […]

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Everyday Life, Lifestyle, Relationships

Great American Thinkers Propose Guns For Teachers, Western Swinging Doors For Schools

December 22, 2012 Eric Hetvile

Great American statesmen world-renowned for their brilliance, Texas Governor Rick Perry and Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell, proposed arming school officials and teachers in order to prepare for the next potential school shooting. The very people […]

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1 CommentLifestyle, Politics

Ancient Documents: Mary Indeed a Virgin, But No Stranger to Oral and Anal Either

December 22, 2012December 24, 2012 Eric Hetvile

Recent translations of ancient scrolls found in the earlier part of last century and long stored in the Vatican basement have been leaked to the press and have been able to shed more light upon […]

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2 CommentsFiction

God Not Saving Any More School Shooting Victims Until Prayer Restored in School

December 20, 2012 Eric Hetvile

This morning at a surprise press conference, God confirmed the statements of Bryan Fischer, Director of Issues Analysis for the American Family Association, and former Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, by stating, “Yes, it is true. […]

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3 CommentsPolitics

The Source of Prophecy

December 20, 2012 Eric Hetvile

You would be wise to ignore any attempt to interpret the works of ancient peoples in order to determine anything about the end of the world. Or anything else for that matter. Also, ignore anything […]

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2 CommentsDaily Musings / Joke of The Day

Study: Media Stigmatizes Crazy Fuckers With Mental Illnesses

December 16, 2012December 22, 2012 Eric Hetvile

[Note: This was written before the shooting in Connecticut, was withheld until now, and was and is not an attempt in any way to diminish what happened in the terrible incident. Relax.] A recent study […]

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Everyday Life

The Jesus Traffic Paradox

October 11, 2012 Eric Hetvile

It is often asked, “What would Jesus Do?” So when you are faced with someone attempting to cut across several lanes of traffic, you might think, “Hey, Jesus would let this poor bastard come across […]

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1 CommentEveryday LifeJesus, mass murder, paradox, traffic

The Wife of Jesus

September 19, 2012 Eric Hetvile

Recently, some ancient parchments were discovered which made several references to the fact that Jesus was married. To a woman. This information has been very shocking to those who have long believed that Jesus hung […]

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2 CommentsDaily Musings / Joke of The DayJesus, list, translation, wife

Advancements in Science?

September 6, 2012 Eric Hetvile

I saw recently that someone has developed a condom with a wrapper that can be removed with just one hand. Do we really need this? I think a more useful invention would have been a […]

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1 CommentDaily Musings / Joke of The Daycondom, one hand, open, wrapper

Biblemania: The Story Of Onan and Friends

August 16, 2012August 19, 2012 Eric Hetvile

The story of Onan in the bible has long been used as a justification against birth control and masturbation, and for sex with hookers. Judge for yourself as I detail the tale. A guy named […]

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4 CommentsGood Clean Fun, Lifestylebiblemania, onan, spilled seed

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