SPARKS BRIEF: Christmas is Coming (The Donald’s Getting Fat)

Washington, D.C. – Along with his gold sneakers, watches, cologne, and bitcoin, President Trump announced the launch of his own Christmas decoration line. He promises to “Make Christmas Great Again.” The line he calls Trumpmas […]

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SPARKS BRIEF: Pumpkin Spice Addiction Sweeps the Nation

Washington, D.C. – The CDC just released a new report on a health crisis that’s out of control. It’s not fentanyl. It’s not oxy. It’s pumpkin spice. Every September, millions of normally stable citizens find […]

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SPARKS BRIEF: Cracker Barrel Faces Backlash After Removing the Cracker and the Barrel

Lebanon, TN — Cracker Barrel, America’s favorite roadside museum of old Coke bottles, gingham, and latent nostalgia, has ignited a culinary civil war after announcing a “too woke” rebranding. The new logo—stripped of the “cracker” […]

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SPARKS BRIEF: “Gloria Gaynor Insists She’s Not a One-Hit Wonder, Cites 100 Remixes of Same Song”

Englewood Cliffs, NJ – Gloria Gaynor, newly minted recipient of the 2025 Kennedy Center Honors, held a press conference today at the Days Inn at the Newark Liberty International Airport—a venue that perfectly captured the […]

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