I’m a big fan of using unconventional methods to market a cherished creation. The way I see it, the more guerilla-underground your approach, the better it is. For my first book I considered tattooing my…
When considering if you should play a fun prank on someone, many factors need to be taken into consideration. If the prankee is not impressed with your little stunt, can you outrun them? Are the…
The regrettably late Court TV was a TV experiment way ahead of its time. What seemed a grotesque spectacle in 1994 with the thoroughly televised trial of Lyle and Erik Menendez, has become a permanent state of…
Q. Why do you look so murderous in that picture on the left? … Your fellow HumorOutcasts writers A. I always look like that. No wonder I usually get a seat on the bus. Q.…
Next to licensed and unlicensed premises that sell beer, the library is my favourite place to hang out. Where else can you read books, apart from the library? As someone who likes to sit idle…
I assume “do it like they do on the Discovery Channel” means having sex while Mike Rowe narrates it. I’ll pass. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2013 I take that “love your enemy” section…
Dear Lord, please forgive me for sucker punching my husband at the dinner table. When I asked how he spent his day off, I thought he said he’d spent hours online looking at porn shops,…
1. Don’t put your cat in charge of your inkjet toners. Cats are relatively color-blind and they can’t read numbers. If you ask her for a black toner, she’ll probably toss you a tri-color one.…
From us hard-core soccer moms: Some may question our philosophy. We’re not exactly proud to say that we judge a ten-year-old’s character by her speed and footwork, but hey, life’s not fair.
Whenever I read a news story about some guy who jams a pistol into his waistband above his crotch and it goes off, my reaction is always the same. I do a full-body cringe and…
When you tell someone who your favorite actor in all of the worlds is Nic Cage, it’s not uncommon to be looked at by someone who wonders if you’ve been drinking the kind of drink…
Judging by O.J. Simpson’s appearance in court yesterday, even the prisons in Vegas have buffets.
Here are my latest semi-intelligible thoughts from Twitter: Most of my tweets are just witty comebacks I thought of six days too late. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 16, 2013 Apparently “stop acting like a…
Some people say they are sick of this world, and they want to get away from it all. While many of these malcontents long to leave “civilized society” and settle in rural wooded areas…
David Pollock with his writing partner Elias Davis, has written for The Steve Allen Show, The Don Rickles Show, The Carol Burnett Show, All in the Family, M*A*S*H, Cheers, and Frasier, as well as nightclub…
We all like presents or do we? Allow me to present to you a situation in the past. Thirsty Dave; a man who kills his liver on a daily basis by consuming copious amounts of…
Here are my least-terrible tweets from today: People who use Twitter to quote famous sayings from historical figures are idiots.—Winston Churchill — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 15, 2013 I’m actually very polite if you consider…
SPORTS NOT TO PLAY ON MOTHER’S DAY Ann Curry gets fired but Seth Curry graduates and Stephen Curry gets hot enough to bring the Warriors a victory so you could say Sonya Curry had a…
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not immune from the temptation to sing in public. It often happens when I’m at Fred Meyers. The anti-shoplifting alarm will be booming while a chipper voice…
When did you stop believing in God? Was it when a loved one died? In the wake of the Sandy Hook shooting? Maybe after a complex bout of soul searching when you comprehended just how…
I’ve looked long and I’ve looked hard and it seems like there is no part of society that I have not improved. I’ve helped massively confused fools, Swedish women, Nuns, Danish women, Ewoks, Norwegian women,…
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