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Post Labor-Day Summer

September 2, 2014
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images-1

Every movie ever made about summer resorts is true. I should know, I live in one all year-round. Yes, I’m a local. Like almost all locals, I’m a Manhattan transplant. Similar to my friend up…

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Proof Of God, Volume I’ve Lost Count

September 2, 2014
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Proof Of God, Volume I’ve Lost Count

It’s still a mystery why I write this award-winning column (I label it such because after each post I award myself with a Big Ed ice cream sandwich). Perhaps I’m just tired of all these…

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A Message From God: Lines Are Open, Call Now

September 2, 2014
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A Message From God: Lines Are Open, Call Now

I’m an expired catholic and a little rusty on the praying front. In fact, I think the last time I prayed as a paid-up member of a religion was when I asked Saint Martin to…

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IF I WERE A RICH MAN

September 2, 2014
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  If I Were a Rich Man   My husband and I love to fantasize about what we would do if we won millions in the state lottery. This question is a no-brainer for me.…

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Sesame Street is a show where black magic enables puppets to co-exist with humans in an unnatural urban dystopia.

September 2, 2014
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Sesame Street is a show where black magic enables puppets to co-exist with humans in an unnatural urban dystopia.

For years I’ve told people that Sesame Street is a show where black magic enables puppets to co-exist with humans in an unnatural urban dystopia but as usual, nobody wants to listen to Bill Y:

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Hackers Give Us Naked Jennifer Lawrence Photos

September 1, 2014
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Hackers Give Us Naked Jennifer Lawrence Photos

This weekend Jennifer Lawrence became the latest celebrity to have naked pictures they took of themselves on their iPhone leaked online. Apparently, she was one of many celebrities whose Apple iCloud account was hacked this…

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Uber-Hot

September 1, 2014
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Uber-Hot

“Oh my god, you’re really the driver? No way. I thought that was just a marketing thing. You know, they put some really attractive guy in the ad so I’ll subliminally tell myself ‘Wow, this company…

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Percussive Repercussions.

September 1, 2014
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Percussive Repercussions.

I stand by my actions and insist I did no wrong. When Jill Y sends me to the store, she knows she has to be specific when telling me what to get. I got everything…

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Football, Forecasting and Furniture

August 31, 2014
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FOOTBALL, FORECASTING AND FURNITURE Ashley Furniture of College Station lost on a promotion involving one million dollars of furniture when the Aggies whipped South Carolina. The Gamecocks were favored by 10 so Ashley told everyone…

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Some Thoughts On Naps

August 31, 2014
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Some thoughts on

Asking for a friend…

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Unicorn Bites 8/30/14

August 31, 2014
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Me: Want to wrestle in bed? *winks* Wife: OK. *hits me with a folding chair* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 30, 2014 Wife: Why’s our 4-year-old crying? Me: No idea Wife: Did you tell her zombies could attack…

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Inspired by Actual Events – Maybe.

August 31, 2014
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Inspired by Actual Events – Maybe.

And so it came to pass, that Jill Y asked me to think about something. She gave me three choices:   1) Rivers of Jammu and Kashmir. 2) Toblerone. 9) Thirsty Dave’s facial expressions when he…

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Bad Artist Funny #1

August 30, 2014
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Bad Artist Funny #1

 Another reason to take economics in college. - Paul the Bad Artist Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, As an e-book on Nook or on my…

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Cool Paul the Seer Says, #1

August 30, 2014
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Cool Paul the Seer Says, #1

Greenland, Humanity’s Future Home If Greenland, that way-up north country, had the same population density as Bangladesh, it would be home to 23,096,149,702 people. That’s more than three times the population of the entire world. How…

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Unicorn Bites 8/29/14

August 30, 2014
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Me: If I was an alcoholic, I’d be drinking right now. Wife: You are Me: *takes beer box off head* My helmet of invisibility has failed me. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 29, 2014 Sorry I took…

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Thirsty Dave’s New Girlfriend.

August 30, 2014
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Thirsty Dave’s New Girlfriend.

Thirsty Dave was telling us about his new girlfriend. The word on the street is that she has her feet planted firmly on the ground, can beat anyone in a staring contest and has movie-star looks. Judging by…

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Smartphones Have Rendered Idle Elevator Chitchat Nearly Extinct

August 29, 2014
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Smartphones Have Rendered Idle Elevator Chitchat Nearly Extinct

A disturbing trend in social relations has taken a turn for the worse since the mass adoption of smartphones in America. Yes, parents are perpetually ignoring their kids in favor of the tiny electronic devices,…

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Some of My Facebook Friends are Dead

August 29, 2014
By
Facebook Friends for HO

Has this ever happened to you? You find out that one of your 600 Facebook friends has slipped the surly bonds of earth and social media and gone to the “other side”? I’ve had it…

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Seswaa and Botswanan Stand-Up Comics

August 29, 2014
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Seswaa and Botswanan Stand-Up Comics

Botswanan Entree SESWAA (Stewed Beef) INGREDIENTS 1 onion 1¾ pounds brisket or slow-cooking beef 2 tablespoons vegetable oil 3 bay leaves ¼ teaspoon pepper 1 teaspoon salt SPECIAL UTENSILS large, oven-safe pot kitchen mallet PREPARATION…

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Dating During Menopause: Why So Hot?

August 29, 2014
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Dating During Menopause: Why So Hot?

There are a few negative realities about midlife dating and mating. It’s awkward when you pull out a squeegee to wipe the hot flash sweat off of your brow. Wearing constricting, shape-forming undergarments can make…

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Oooh-Oooh That Smell, Can’t You Smell That Smell?

August 29, 2014
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Oooh-Oooh That Smell, Can’t You Smell That Smell?

It’s time for another installment of my cutting-edge advice column Dear Smelly. Installment #1 received an overwhelming number of responses in the Comment Section (okay, half of the comments were my own replies, but they…

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Stand Up and be a Lady
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