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Author: Mike Morris

I'm a retired professor of psychology (University of New Haven). I publish the satirical blog UNIVERSITY LIFE and actually look like the default profile picture that accompanies my posts on HumorOutcasts.

Trump Claims to be Queen Elizabeth’s Out-of-Wedlock Son, Seeks British Throne

December 30, 2020 Mike Morris

With his legal challenges to the results of the 2020 Presidential election exhausted, Donald Trump’s bizarre journey through our lives took another astonishing turn on Monday, when he alleged that Queen Elizabeth II is his […]

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President Pardons Satan, Says Action was “Long Overdue”

December 23, 2020 Mike Morris

Surprising virtually no one, President Donald Trump issued a full pardon to Satan yesterday.  “The Prince of Darkness should have been let out of Hell decades ago,” claimed the President.  “He was framed for a […]

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Gates of Long-Awaited Heaven-Plus to Open on January 15th

December 16, 2020 Mike Morris

For millennia, Heaven has been the destination of choice for the virtuous deceased.  Now there’s a better option.  Next month, Celestial Enterprises (CE) — owner of Disney+, HBO Max, and ESPN+ — will debut Heaven-Plus, […]

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McDonald’s Lard-Based Vaccine Available in Southern States Beginning December 14th

December 10, 2020 Mike Morris

The McDonald’s Corporation announced yesterday that its scientists have developed an oral, lard-based vaccine for COVID-19 that is 99% effective, surpassing the efficacy of the Pfizer and Moderna formulations.  According to McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski, […]

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Nevada Will Use 25-Cent Slots to Distribute Initial Batch of COVID Vaccine to State Residents

December 2, 2020 Mike Morris

“It’s the fairest thing we could do, given that we won’t be able to vaccinate everyone in the first few months of 2021,” says Nevada governor Steve Sisolak.  “We’re retrofitting 10,000 slot machines in Las […]

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Transition Etiquette for Democrats: 10 Tips for Reaching Out to Trump Supporters

November 12, 2020 Mike Morris

This is not the time to gloat, Biden/Harris Brigade.  Rather, you should follow the advice of Otis Redding and “Try a Little Tenderness.”  Here are 10 things you can say to your Republican acquaintances that […]

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McConnell Makes Shocking Promise as Biden Nears Victory

November 6, 2020 Mike Morris

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who famously proclaimed in 2010 that “the single most important thing we [Republicans] want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term President,” has vowed to set himself […]

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Supreme Court Will Review Manager’s Decision to Remove Tampa Bay Pitcher in Game 6 of World Series

October 28, 2020 Mike Morris

In an Executive Order, President Donald Trump has directed the Supreme Court to determine whether Tampa Bay Manager Kevin Cash violated the U. S. Constitution when he pulled starting pitcher Blake Snell in the 6th […]

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In Wake of Toobin Zoom Incident, God Explains What’s Wrong with Men

October 26, 2020 Mike Morris

“It’s a design flaw, pure and simple,” God Almighty told The New York Times yesterday in an exclusive interview.  “The control panel inside the male brain has a manual override that is connected to his […]

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Satan Severs Ties to Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham: “I Had to Draw the Line Somewhere”

October 15, 2020 Mike Morris

Satan, a perennial top-five finisher in People Magazine’s annual “Who’s the Most Evil?” issue, announced yesterday that he is no longer collaborating with U. S. Senators Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham.  In an exclusive interview with […]

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