Soul Crunching Computers | HumorOutcasts

Soul Crunching Computers

August 8, 2015
By

             If you see this, it’s already too late.

EvilComputer-

 

Computers that take forever to load, freeze, or crash make you cuss. Repeatedly. They make you say horrific things that will cast your soul down to the fiery pits of Hell. You don’t want to go there, it’s unambiguously bad. Think of a presidential debate that never ends. But you can’t survive without your Facebook and kitchen pictures. What can be done?

When buying a computer, look for the following five characteristics:

  1. It works.
  2. It works.
  3. It works.
  4. It works.
  5. It works.

For pity’s sake do not purchase a computer lacking any of the above five points. A working computer will give you a chance to go to Heaven. A bad computer will send you to Hell. Choose wisely.

– Paul R. De Lancey, computer ownerCoverFrontFinal

Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com.

Paul De Lancey

Paul De Lancey writes in multiple genres: adventure, westerns, morality, time travel, thriller, and culinary, all spiced with zaniness. He is a frequent contributor to HumorOutcasts. His novels "Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms?" "Beneficial Murders," "We’re French and You’re Not," and "The Fur West" and his cookbook Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World have won acclaim from award-winning authors. Paul is also the writer of hilarious articles and somewhat drier ones in Economics. Dr. De Lancey obtained his Doctorate in Economics from the University of Wisconsin. His thesis, “Official Reserve Management and Forecasts of Official Reserves,” disappears from bookstore shelves so quickly that most would-be purchasers can never find it in stock. Paul, known to his friends as Paul, was the proud co-host of the online literary events Bump Off Your Enemies, The Darwin Murders, and Tasteful Murders. He also co-collected, co-edited, and co-published the e-book anthologies resulting from these events. Perhaps Mr. De Lancey will someday become a literary giant without having to die for the title. The humorist is a direct descendant of the great French Emperor Napoleon. Actually, that explains a lot of things. Paul ran for President of the United States in 2012! Woo hoo! On the Bacon & Chocolate ticket. Estimates of Bacon & Chocolate’s share of the votes range from 3 to 1.5% of the total. El Candidato also lost a contentious campaign to be El Presidente of Venezuela. In late 2013, Chef Paul participated in the International Bento Competition. The great statesman is again running for president, this time under HumorOutcasts’ sponsorship. Contact Paul before he gets elected to get that ambassadorship to Tahiti you’ve always wanted. Mr. De Lancey makes his home, with his wonderful family, in Poway, California. He divides his time between being awake and asleep. His books are available at: www.lordsoffun.com and amazon.com.

More Posts - Website

Share this Post:

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 Responses to Soul Crunching Computers

  1. August 9, 2015 at 6:49 am

    and the mouse pad should not be possessed. I guess I am going to hell.

  2. Kathy Minicozzi
    August 9, 2015 at 12:13 am

    May you always have a good computer.



User Login

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle


New Release
Lite Whines and Laughter: Mild Rants and Musings on the Mundane
By Lee Gaitan and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle



New Release
It Comes From Within: Living with Bipolar Illness
By Michael Solomon. and Shorehouse Books

Available in Paperback and Kindle



Archives